Living in the past is crippling. There is nothing you can do to change it. But still thoughts of the past linger in our brains, the “what-if” of life. For example, “What-if I hadn’t made that choice?” “What-if I had gone to trade school and not a 4-year college?” “What-if I had waited to move in with a significant other?”
Living in the future can be crippling. While you have a lot of control about what you do in the future, we may be overwhelmed with those choices. And our brains linger far too long on the “should-s” of life. For example, “I should be able to decide what is best for me. “Should I go to trade school or a 4-year college?” “I should move in with my significant other so we can get even closer.”
Ah, but, living in the present!! When you are living in the present you are making real world decisions, too, only you can immediately change course if needed, and the consequence of decisions are quickly felt.
Tips to Living in the Present
- Learn Something New
When you are learning new things, you are forced to: 1) step out of your comfort zone and 2) to pay attention to what is happening right now. For example if your new thing is woodworking, you must be present in the moment or you will cut off a finger! You can’t be thinking about what your project is going to look like or how you have failed at woodworking in the past. No, you will be forced to stay in the present. - Surround yourself with Eagles
There is an old saying that goes something like, it is hard to soar with the eagles when you surround yourself with chickens. The meaning has to do with surrounding yourself with positive, upbeat people. Feelings can be “contagious”, meaning you can easily be influenced by the mood and/or behavior of others. Happy people tend to be more optimistic and have gratitude about their lives. - Get Distracted by a Good Book or Movie
A good book or movie can give your mind a rest from reality. This isn’t a bad thing! Your mind cannot run all the time! Sometimes it is good for your mind to focus on a plot twist, or characterization. Life doesn’t have to be all serious and all work and effort. Relaxing is just as important! - Be Grateful for Today
Focus on the cup being half full, not half empty. It is so easy to take the present life for granted. When you focus on what you lost out on or didn’t have (the past) and what you may never have (the future), you may be missing what is right in front of you, your health, your family and friends, your job. - Volunteer in your Community
What you do, for example, volunteering, is important because it gives you a instant connection to others. Volunteering is a way of giving back to your community that money cannot buy. And maybe more importantly, volunteering creates a ripple effect of positive change and creating a better world right now. - Slow down
If you are like most people your life is so full of activity and stimulation it is hard to slow down and smell the proverbial roses. If you are always thinking about where you have to be, and what you have to do you will focus on living in the future. It is hard to be in tuned with your own feelings when you are out of focus. Take a deep breath! - Be Grounded
The best way to be grounded in the present is to pay attention to your five senses: sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Thes five senses are much less likely to be oriented to the past (unless there has been trauma) or the future. You can literally smell the roses, right now. You can feel the sun rays on your back, right now. You can taste the peanut butter cup or peppermint patty, right now. - Appreciate Your Physical Being
Your one body is the only one you will ever have. Appreciate it. Stop thinking about what your body could do in the past. Stop worrying about limited mobility in the future. Focus on today, it is what you have. Take care of it with proper nutrition, hydration, activity and sleep. - “No.” is a full Sentence
Being able to say no, just “No.” is about boundary setting. Maybe in the past you were not as good at this, and were taken advantage of. And maybe without saying no you way over commit yourself to projects and activities in the future. Instead of spreading yourself too thin, think about how you want to spend your time - Furry Friends
Maybe we should be more like our furry friends. They are in the moment. Will you play with me now, can we go for a walk now. Pets can help us let go of some of our inhibitions, it is okay to go for a walk or play ball before the dishes are done or the project is finished. Coming back after a walk can give you a whole new perspective. - Listen
Listening is an activity that can only be done in the present. You can’t go back and listen to others, and you can’t listen to something that hasn’t been said. Listening forces you to hear what someone else is saying, listening to them discuss their truth. It allows you to slow down, and listen at the pace they are speaking. - Relationship Maintenance
You can allow past negative relationships to sour you on relationships today, or you can worry about if your relationship will last. Or better still, you can focus on the intimate relationship in front of you. If you focus on maintaining a healthy relationship today, your relationship of tomorrow will take care of itself. - Be Curious like a Cat
Cat are curious creatures. They are not dwelling on the past, they are not thinking beyond the nap they will soon enjoy. They are in the moment with what piques their interest today, right now. When you are curious you are constantly exploring your surroundings for new opportunities. - Life is a Journey
Life is a journey, not just a destination. Sometimes people can get so caught up with attaining their goals, or completing their bucket list that they forget to appreciate the journey. The journey is where the learning happens! If you focus on the future goal completion, you completely ignore the journey. Stop and smell the roses! - Love the One you are With
Love the one you are always with, you. This isn’t about you lacking humility or empathy, or you gloating about your accomplishments or puffing your chest. Loving yourself today is letting go of your “mistakes” of the past. It is about flipping negative self-talk for positive self-talk.
Relationships Relearned: Learn. Unlearn. Relearn
To be in a healthy, successful relationship, what you learned in childhood about relationships many need to be unlearned and relearned in a different way as an adult.
While this blog focuses on you living in the present, how you feel about yourself effects your relationship with an intimate partner. If you feel horrible about yourself, when you are always listening to your own negative self-talk, you can hardly be a mentally healthy equal partner in a relationship!
Living with one foot in the past, and the other foot in the future was probably something you learned in childhood. As a child perhaps your heard repeatedly, “Go to college if you want a good job.” There is nothing wrong with going to college, but if studying to get into a good college was to the exclusion to having a childhood, you might want to think about how to unlearn this concept when you are raising your children.
It is possible to learn how to be in the present, and how to live life to its fullest.
Take Away Points
Both dwelling in the past or panicking about the future can be mind numbing and paralyzing. You cannot change what happened. You cannot predict the future. All you have control over is today. Put the effort into improving what is today and you control your destiny.
With warmest regards,
Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
https://relationshipsrelearned.com/my-blog/
https://rvingnomads.com/blog/
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