Definition: Resilience is the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.
From The Merriam-Webster Dictionary
What Is Resilience And Why Is Resilience Important?
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It is a skill that originates from believing in yourself and is used to:
• Cope with adversity
• Adapt to change
• Accept uncertainly
• Overcome challenges
There are three different types of resilience:
• Personal or emotional resilience: How an individual rebounds from a stressful situation; for example, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or financial struggles.
• Physical resilience: How your body recovers from trauma; for example, a broken leg, cancer or a heart attack.
• Community resilience: How a community recovers after a stressful event; for example, a hurricane, a pandemic or an act of terrorism like 911.
In relation to resilience, stressful events or adversities can be categorized in three ways:
• Stressful events with solutions: For example, not getting that promotion at work may result in you trying harder.
• Stressful events that will get better over time with little or no intervention: For example, waiting to be able to move into a new home.
• Stressful events that very little can be done about: For example, a hurricane or other natural disaster.
Resilience can be difficult to understand because it is so multi-faceted. It can be:
• A trait we are born with
• A skill that can be learned either in childhood or in adulthood
Resilience in Children
Parents can raise their children in one of three ways: a philosophy Kathryn Maietta MSW, LCSW calls “Flower Children”. Children can be raised as:
Garden Flowers
Garden flowers are nurtured, weeded, fertilized. They are encouraged to flourish and are well taken care of. Children who are raised as garden flowers are taught life skills (for example, resilience) and are provided with opportunities for positive growth. Their resilience is usually high.
Wild Flowers
Wild flowers come from seeds that have been scattered to the wind. If a wild flower is to grow it has to put down deeper roots than other plants and grow taller than other plants to reach the sun. Children raised as wild flowers either find resilience through trial and error, will need to learn resilience in adulthood or emotionally perish.
Potted Plants
Potted plants only have the sunlight, water and nutrients that are provided. Children who are raised as potted plants have a hard time being self-reliant because all decisions are made for them. Their resilience is low based on not having been taught life skills (resilience).
Learning how to ride a bike is a demonstration in resilience. A child decides s/he wants to ride a bike. A friend’s bike is borrowed, pedaled for a ways, and the child falls off. It doesn’t seem to faze the child and without prompting the child gets right back on the bike and tries again. This is resilience. For other children this process is a struggle and learning to ride a bike is a long, arduous and painful process.
If you are someone who has resilience, chances are likely you will role model resilience to your children. If you are a teacher, a coach, a Girl Scout leader, a child therapist or day care worker who is responsible for someone else’s children, you can help the children in your care learn resilience.
Resilience skills to teach children include:
1. Acceptance
Teach a child change is inevitable, and to accept the differences in people.
2. Take a Break from Worrying
Teach a child that during stressful times it is okay to relax and not have to feel stressed about problems.
3. Empathy
Teach a child to “see the other side”, to look at how someone else may view a situation, or how life might be different for others.
4. “Forest for the Trees”
Teach a child to look at problems from both the big picture (the forest) and the small picture of details (the trees).
5. Help Others
Teach a child to see the world is a bigger place than just their neighborhood and to see the importance of helping others.
6. Manageable Accomplishments
Teach a child how to set big goals and then how to break the goal down into more manageable steps that can be more easily accomplished.
7. Past Resilience
Teach a child to remember how they have made it through stressful times in the past, and that the child can be successful again.
8. Routine
Teach a child how to develop a routine for themselves. It will help the child feel like s/he has control in life.
9. Self-Care
Role model and teach taking care of your body as an important part of resilience, specifically eating good food, being active, getting enough sleep, having fun!
10. Support Network
Encourage a child to make connections with other children. A social network is vital for support during a time of stress.
Resilience in Adulthood
Can you learn resilience in adulthood when you didn’t learn it as a child? Yes! Some of the same ways we can teach our children resilience are the same ways we can learn resilience as an adult. It is never too late to learn how to be resilient.
1. Balanced Living
Take care of your mind, body, and spirit (get adequate sleep, exercise, set limits for using technology, good nutrition, hydration).
2. Bounce Back
Pick yourself up, as many times as it takes. If it helps, visualize yourself as a rubber ball!
3. Celebrations
Give yourself permission to feel good about accomplishments. Reward even the small wins.
4. Destiny
Create your own destiny. Set goals. Don’t let others define how you will live your life.
5. Flexibility
This is the ability to create a variety of options. When plans change, you can “go with the flow”.
6. Mental Toughness
Master your emotions before they master you! See yourself as a fighter, as someone who will succeed.
7. Optimism
This is the ability when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. You see setbacks as opportunities.
8. Paradigm Shift
This is looking at situations differently. Don’t try to solve problems with the same thinking that created them.
9. Perseverance
Keep moving forward despite setbacks, have a clear sense of priorities, and know your goals.
10. Support Systems
Build relationships with others so you can offer and receive support during stressful times.
Resilience in Aging
Successful aging has typically been defined as freedom from chronic disease and disability as well as high physical and mental functioning. While resilience is important at any age, resilience in aging is vital. If resilience hasn’t been attained by our 65th year, it is never too late to learn!
1. Asking for help
Ask for help and graciously accept it when it’s offered. No one can “do it alone”, especially in aging.
2. Embrace the “New Normal”
Have a positive attitude about the aging process. It is about living life to its fullest while accepting the limits of a new normal.
3. Faith in Yourself
Have a belief in your ability to successfully handle whatever life brings.
4. Focus on What You Can Control
Focus on what can be controlled as opposed to what cannot be controlled.
5. Hobbies / Cognitive Promoting Exercises
Continue familiar mental exercises such as putting together puzzles or playing a musical instrument, activities with immediate success.
6. Hope
Accept the “new normal” as well setting goals for the future (a bucket list). Consider the various ways of reaching those goals.
7. Keep Learning
Keep active mentally. Be a life-long learner rich in experiences. Learn a foreign language. Have new experiences. Take a road trip. Challenge yourself.
8. Meaning and Purpose in Life
Find success in the new normal of being who you are as opposed to a role you played earlier in life (employee, parent, etc.).
9. Physically Active
Keep active physically. Revel in what you are able to physically continue to do as opposed to what you can no longer accomplish.
10. Socially Active
Keep socially active. Maintain the social connections you already have. Cultivate new connections. Take time to laugh. Enjoy the life you deserve.
Quotes on Resilience
Know that you are not alone in life, and that in stressful times others have experienced tough times, too. Perhaps these quotes about resilience will inspire you in your time of stress.
“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”
Elizabeth Edwards (1949-2010)
“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.”
Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
“I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
Albert Einstein (1879–1955)
AI has not been used to create any content for or my website, articles, blogs or books. All material is original unless otherwise noted.
All photos and graphics within my blogs and website were taken or created by David Harrington or Kathryn Maietta.
Posted: 9/20
Revised: 08/24
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