Many years ago, I had a contract with a county jail to provide mental health services to inmates. When I was offered the contract, I was warned by staff to expect to be called sexually derogatory names by the inmates, for example, bitch and c**t. Not very nice names.
As a clinical social worker for 40+ years, my preferred population to work with was violent, aggressive men, often with a mental health diagnosis and frequently men who were involved, or at risk of involvement, with the criminal justice system.
If what the staff at the county jail warned was accurate, it wouldn’t be the first time someone called me those names and certainly wouldn’t be the last. Early in my career, I felt offended when I was called a bitch. By the time I was contracted to work in the jail, I wore the label as a badge of honor. I will explain.
Origin and Meaning of Bitch
In historical times the word bitch simply identified a female dog. It was not intended to be any more derogatory than calling a female chicken a hen or a female deer a doe.
Somehow in the 15th century, the word morphed into being a promiscuous term. Presumably because a bitch (female dog) was used in breeding to have multiple litters of puppies. This concept also brought about another derogatory term, “son of bitch”, meaning your mother was promiscuous (a whore).
It took many more centuries for the word bitch to become the universal insult it is today. Between 1915 and 1930, the use of the word bitch in newspapers and literature more than doubled. What was going on at the time? Women’s suffrage. Men who were not happy that women won the right to vote started using the word bitch to describe “pushy”, “annoying” women.
You may recall at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards that while Taylor Swift was giving her acceptance speech, Kayne West rushed the stage ranting Beyoncé should have won. Did he apologize for interrupting Swift’s special moment? No. Instead, he wrote a song called Famous. In the song he refers to Swift as “that bitch”.
This is how bitch became a derogatory term.
Responses to Being Called a Bitch.
In my example of working at a county jail, while it isn’t acceptable to call someone sexually derogatory names, there is no way to control what comes out of the mouth of the inmates. As a matter of fact, in very few situations can you control what comes out of the mouth of ANYONE!
In addition, sexually derogatory names have become socially acceptable to use in the general public. Any time as a woman, if you stand up for yourself or refuse to give in, chances are you will be called a bitch.
Responses
Clearly, not all women will feel the same way about being called a sexually derogatory name as I do. There are as many different responses as there are women. As a slang expression when you are called a sexually derogatory name, you have choices in how to respond:
- Be offended and take it personally; go silent
- Use sarcasm or your sense of humor to make light of it
- Verbalize the word offends you, and in a civil tone ask for a calmer discussion
- Advocate for yourself; firmly stand up for yourself; set a boundary
- Ignore it and let it go; let it “slide off your back”
And as surprising as it may be, there are women who use the term b*t*h with other woman as a term of endearment. It is a supportive term, indicating they think the other woman is strong and assertive.
Because of my chosen line of work, I think of being called a b*t*h a little differently.
A Badge of Honor
For me, the choice of how to think about being called those names was slightly different than being offended or even ignoring the behavior. Whenever I have been called a bitch, it has given me a clue as to the other person’s perceived imbalance of power and control between me and them. Never have I been called a bitch when someone felt they were in a position of power. It is their way of elevating themselves so they can feel better about their own life.
What I have found is that only insecure people will use this derogatory term.
For me, bring called a bitch indicates I am a strong, passionate person, which is something to be proud of. I think of the word bitch like this:
Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself
For me, this has become an alternate way of thinking and feeling when I am called a sexually derogatory name. This is how I came to believe that I wore the label of bitch as a badge of honor.
Take Away Point
There are so many ways to address a situation that involves being called a sexually derogatory term. You always have choices. It is always best to think in advance about how you will respond if someone calls you a name.
Today, when someone calls me a bitch I always say, “Thank you!” because to me it is a badge of honor!
With warmest regards,
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