Comments from Kathryn, the author of this blog and a licensed clinical social worker: In my experience in working with clients, fear is the most common feeling associated with anger. It could be fear of how someone else acts when they are angry; it could also be fear about how the client will react when they are feeling angry. Either leads to confusion and avoidance of the expression of anger. This is usually due to previous unpleasant experiences being either the sender or the recipient of destructive anger. This blog may help you look objectively at the expression of anger.

Positive Aspects of Feeling Angry

Anger is simply an emotional response to a perceived threat. Because there is frequently a destructive behavior associated with the feeling of anger, many people identify feeling angry as being “bad”. In fact, there are many positive aspects of anger:

1. Communication
2. Culture
3. Motivation
4. Physiological protection
5. Self-improvement
6. Survival

Communication

Anger is a method of communication that ALWAYS carries a message. When you feel angry, you are usually very clear and forceful with your words, your tone of voice and your body language. There is no mistaking an angry person!

Culture

Anger can define societal values and culture. When a group of people focuses their anger collectively, their shared feelings of anger can identify what is “right” and “wrong” in our culture. Their collective anger can effect change.

Motivation

Change takes effort. Anger is a great motivator for change. It can be a call to action. Anger as a motivator can provide the physical and emotional energy to make changes and attain a desired goal.

Physiological Protection

Anger can provide the energy necessary to protect you from physical, emotional and/or verbal attacks. Anger has an arousal response component that stimulates the release of adrenalin, allowing you to do things physically you thought you were incapable of doing.

Self-Improvement

Anger can be self-directed. It can provide the energy necessary to change an unhealthy situation or lifestyle. It may be the catalyst for working on improving the quality of your life, including physical activity and/or eliminating unhealthy behaviors.

Survival

Anger and any combination of fear, determination, persistence and tenacity can provide the physical and/or emotional strength to accomplish what would have been impossible without the feeling of anger.

In many situations, the feeling of anger and the actions associated with anger should be celebrated! The feeling of anger can in fact produce some very productive outcomes! Using anger for change may be on a small more personal level, or anger can be a motivator for change on a grander scale that affects many.

If you are like most people, you are probably much more aware of the negative aspects of feeling angry. For example, feeling angry can be a trigger or a catalyst for destructive behavior.

Negative Aspects of Anger

Anger has many negative consequences including decreased self-esteem or strained relationships. And yet, people continue to be aggressive instead of learning how to use skills to diffuse situations. By insisting that life is not fair and that your anger is someone else’s fault, you rationalize and justify your aggressive behavior. Examples include:

1. Anger “blurs your vision”
2. Anger misdirects your attention
3. Anger depletes your emotional energy
4. Anger involves other unpleasant emotions
5. Anger destroys cooperation and relationships
6. Anger is a manipulation tactic

Anger “Blurs Your Vision”

When you are so focused on thinking about how to be heard or getting your point across to the other person, you may forget what it was you really wanted. It can almost seem like you have tunnel vision, and anger is all that you can experience.

Anger Misdirects Your Attention

You spend so much time thinking about revenge, you do not think about how you may have contributed to the problem and what you can do to make changes. All of your time is focused on blaming someone or something else for your situation.

Anger Depletes Your Emotional Energy

Getting angry is like sitting in a rocking chair. You expend a lot of energy thinking and scheming (rocking in the rocking chair), but you end up in the same place you started. When you are wallowing in anger, it is hard to make positive changes.

Anger Involves Other Unpleasant Emotions

Feeling angry is a great cover for not having to look at more vulnerable feelings. Specifically, feeling angry feels more powerful than feeling afraid.

Anger Destroys Cooperation and Relationships

It is difficult to have a primary relationship grow and flourish when one partner fears the anger (and/or aggression) of their significant other. This is the philosophy that the best defense is a good offense.

Anger is a Manipulation Tactic

If you have been previously aggressive with a friend, family member or co-worker, you do not need to exhibit the same level of aggression the second time as you did the first time to receive the same amount of fear from someone else.

If you allow it, your feelings of anger can be destructive and aggressive. Understanding how your angry feelings can misdirect your thoughts, resulting in destroyed relationships, can go a long way to making healthy changes. You only have so much emotional energy to expend in one day. Do you really want it to be wallowing in the feeling of anger?

While you may be acutely aware you are having unpleasant feelings, you may not realize what you are actually feeling is anger. You may identify feeling agitated or frustrated, but would you deny these feelings are even on a continuum with the feeling of anger?

Take Away Point

There is nothing wrong with feeling angry. The feeling of anger can be positive and motivating.  Feeling angry can actually be necessary for survival.  Or, the feeling of anger can be negative by misdirecting your attention or depleting your emotional energy. 

The choice is yours whether to use your anger for positive purposes or allow it to be destructive.

If the information in this blog has been interesting to you, you may be interested in checking out my book on anger management:  Be Angry, But Not Aggressive:  7 Proven Skills for Managing Your Anger.  It contains useful information on how you can manage your anger and the anger of others. 

With warmest regards,

Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
https://relationshipsrelearned.com/my-blog/
https://rvingnomads.com/blog/

In addition to blogs and articles, I have written a series of self-help books. To view these books, please go to my Amazon Authors Page or go to the My Self-Help Books tab at the top of this page.

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Kathryn Maietta, MSW, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker / Author and Blogger

For more than forty years I have been a licensed clinical social worker in Maine and recently became licensed in Texas. The focus of my practice has been working individually with adult men and women and working with couples. I received my BSW from Baylor University and my MSW from Boston University. Since 2020 I have published four self-help books and written a bi-weekly mental health blog.

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Anger Management Domestic Abuse/Violence Relationships Stress and Anxiety Communication Resilience