Who Are the Aggressive Communicators in Your Life?

Aggressive Communicators are like a cactus with prickly thorns. — ^{Aggressive Communicators are like prickly thorns. They only want to protect themselves and will hurt anyone coming too close.”}
^{Photo by David Harrington}

What is an aggressive communicator?

Aggressive communicators tend to take their point of view to an extreme. People who rely on this communication style in the workplace, at home or among friends tend to dominate any conversation. They issue commands and ask questions rudely while failing to listen to others. For the aggressive communicator it is always about “me, me, me.” In positions of authority, aggressive communicators are bosses, not leaders who inspire confidence.
Soulsalt.com – The 4 Communication Styles: How Behavioral Traits Affect Communication

An aggressive communicator is an individual who expresses his/her feelings and opinions in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are frequently verbally, emotionally and/or physically abusive.

People who often use this aggressive communication style are people who demand to be “in charge”, even if they don’t have the skills and/or knowledge to do so. Instead of listening to others, they give commands and demand that others comply with what they are saying.

How do aggressive communicators interact with others?

Using an aggressive style of communication is not a good way to communicate with anyone! The goal of being aggressive is to intimidate, which defeats the purpose of a conversation, where ideas are meant to be shared and listened to!! g2.com – 4 Types of Communication Styles (+Which One Is the Most Effective)

Aggressive communicators openly express their opinions without hesitation, often in a loud and controlling voice. They tend to be direct, but unclear at the same time! This makes it confusing for the listener. Aggressive communicators may say they are being honest, but it is usually in a blunt, harsh manner. In actuality, they are viewed as not credible, irrational, hostile, rude and uncooperative.

Aggressive communicators rely heavily on volume and force for their communications. Their primary focus is to dominate or control the conversation with tactics like shaming and attacking. Frontapp.com – The 4 communication styles and how they impact customer communication

Aggressive communicators will often try to dominate others, use humiliation to control others, be very impulsive and have a low frustration tolerance. They are not good listeners, and they will frequently start sentences with “you” statements vs. “I”. For example, “You are not listening to me!” or “You don’t understand!”

What is the behavior of an aggressive communicator?

You will be able to identify aggressive communicators by the tone of their voice. You will see it in their facial expressions and their body language. You may even feel the energy in the room change.
Alvernia University – 4 Types of Communication Styles

When speaking aggressively, people may make intense eye contact, point fingers, and physically stand their ground. They tend to talk over other people and interrupt frequently. They are controlling and/or demanding while criticizing, intimidating or threatening. Aggressive communicators often issue commands and fail to listen to others.

Because aggressive communicators are selfish and demanding, they tend to have less successful relationships than people who are assertive. This is especially true when both people in a relationship are aggressive!

Examples of aggressive statements
• “It’s my way or the highway.”
• “I’m right, and you’re wrong.”
• “Because I said so.”
• “I always get what I want.”
• “I don’t care what you think.”

Two examples of aggressiveness in current events
Sometimes it is easier to understand a communication style by seeing the behavior in practice. It is fairly easy to pick out who the aggressive communicator is. It will be the person whom you will notice as being:
• The center of attention
• The loudest person
• The person who is glaring or finger pointing
• The ranting and raving individual
• The person who everyone has their cell phone camera pointed toward

Disclaimer: Of course, it is difficult to really know anyone you only read or hear about on the 24 hour news cycle blast. Everyone has a back story and everyone has a “reason” for their aggressive behavior. However, there are some examples from the news that typify aggressive behavior. The people who are examples in this blog may be routinely decent human beings who made poor choices. Their inclusion was based on their behavior during a snap shot in time.

“Karen”
There is a derogatory term that has been in the news lately that you may have heard of, it is calling a woman a “Karen”. Dictionary.com – “Karen” vs. “Becky” vs. “Stacy”: How Different Are These Slang Terms?
“Karen” is a pejorative term for a white woman who is perceived as feeling, behaving and/or acting entitled. A person who is identified as a “Karen” is demanding with a sense of righteousness. The term “Karen” usually has some racial undertones. Examples include:
• The “Central Park (Birdwatching) Karen” Bariweiss.substack.com – The Real Story of “The Central Park Karen”
• “Soho Karen” New York Post – ‘Soho Karen’ Miya Ponsetto wishes she ‘apologized differently’ to Keyon Harrold Jr.

A Karen is someone who wants what she wants, when she wants it. She is not interested in a dialog, only in what she wants. This exemplifies being an aggressive communicator.

Passengers on planes
According to the FAA in 2021 there were 5,981 reports of unruly (aggressive) passengers.
faa.gov – Unruly Passengers. Seventy-three percent (4,290 reports) of the incidents involved airline passengers not wanting to wear facemask. For example, a $24,000 fine was levied against a passenger on an American Airlines flight from Tampa to Miami on January 21, 2021. The passenger allegedly refused to wear a facemask while boarding and was disruptive when the aircraft remained at the gate because of a “minor technical issue.”

USA Today – These ‘unruly’ passengers spit, punched and kicked at airline crew members. Now, they face hefty fines.

Businessinsider.com – A Harvard psychologist explains the rise in passengers getting violent on airplanes and customers abusing retail workers: People have reached ‘a boiling point’

No one is required to be a passenger in an airplane. At the current moment in time, mask mandates are a requirement to fly. Don’t want to wear a face mask? Don’t fly. People who flaunt not wearing a facemask are demonstrating they are being aggressive communicators. They care about themselves, and no one else. And it is not just the health aspect, but the amount of time flight attendants are forced to spend on unruly passengers, and how many flights are delayed due to police removal of these aggressive communicators.

Managing an aggressive communicator

There are many skills and techniques for managing or handling an aggressive person. You can meet and match their aggression or you can totally shut down. Neither of these techniques is recommended. There are at least six more techniques that may be of benefit, check out these options in my blogs “Learn How to Handle Destructive Criticism”
and “8 Responses to People Who Criticize Your Vaccine Status”

Take-away point

People who are aggressive communicators speak loudly and use intimidation to get what they want. They care only about themselves! You don’t have to be their victim, nor do you need to behave like them. You always have choices and skills to use when confronted by an aggressive communicator.