Photo by: David Harrington
Self-esteem is your mental image of yourself. It is how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself in the world. Self-esteem is your collection of beliefs about your strengths and weaknesses. While you have control over how you feel about yourself, those around you can also influence how you feel about yourself.
Example: Logan is learning how to ride a bike.
If Logan had low self-esteem and he constantly fell off his bike, he would probably experience frustration and self-doubt. He might even say riding a bike is “too hard” and just quit trying.
Add the neighborhood kids are watching. One of them might say to Logan, “You can’t ride a bike, you are just a baby!!” This will contribute to Logan’s low self-esteem, he fears they might be right, and he stops trying to ride a bike.
If Logan had high self-esteem and constantly fell off his bike, he would probably feel determined and take his falling as a challenge. He would persevere until he was able to ride without falling. See Resilience in Children in my article 30 Ways to Boost Resilience
Add the neighborhood kids are watching. One of them might say to Logan, “You can’t ride a bike, you are just a baby!!” Because Logan has high self-esteem, he knows he isn’t a “baby”. He laughs with them, tries even harder, and eventually learns to ride his bike without falling.
Media Influences on your Self-Esteem
In the example, Logan’s self-esteem could easily be influenced by peers in his neighborhood. But have you thought about how the media influences your self-esteem, how you view yourself in the world?
Example One: “Deplorables”
What does it do to a group of Americans to be called “deplorables”? What effect on self-esteem can there be to be called deplorable if you disagree with a candidate? In a 2016 fundraising speech in New York City, then candidate Hilary Clinton made the following statement: “You know, to just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it. And unfortunately, there are people like that. And he has lifted them up.” Read Times: Hillary Clinton’s ‘Basket of Deplorables’ Remarks About Donald Trump Supporters By Katie Reilly September 10, 2016
Example Two: Filters and Photoshop
In recent years, the number of filters and photoshopping programs for cellphones and computers has skyrocketed. While some can be humorous, some can be harmful to self-esteem.
For example, over 2 billion people have seen the 48 second video of the lawyer who appeared for a Zoom court appearance with a kitten filter. Zoom cat lawyer was humorous, and made many of us laugh. No harm done here, except to maybe Texas lawyer Ron Ponton!
But what about the photoshopping photos to make “human perfection” completely attainable? If you are not as thin as …. or have a clear complexion like …. or bulging muscles like….. your self-esteem can suffer.
57 Celebrities Before And After Photoshop Who Set Unrealistic Beauty Standards By Viktorija Gabulaitė 2016
Example Three: TV Shows
Recently TV shows have begun to include more current events in their storylines. While this makes them “relevant” for the people who watch the shows, the effect of their perspective is meant to influence, to make a group of people seem more sympathetic, or more sinister. The effect on self-esteem is to rethink a person’s perspective, or to create self-doubt of a held viewpoint.
One example is the CBS TV show, The Equalizer. In a recent episode the main character was in support of the Black Lives Matters movement. The implication was that if you were not a supporter of the BLM Movement, you were part of the racism problem in this country and if you were not a BLM supporter you should feel bad about yourself.
Another CBS TV show using current events in its storyline is FBI’s Most Wanted. A recent episode included a storyline about January 6th. Part of the storyline included an injured police officer who had been part of the Capitol Police Department. The thrust of this episode was the horror of what happened on January 6th and unless you wanted life in prison for all involved, you were anti-American.
All of these examples are designed to shape your thoughts and feelings, and ultimately your self-esteem.
Characteristics of People with High Self-Esteem
People who have high self-esteem have self-respect. They like who they are and are connected to people they love and admire. When self-esteem is grounded in reality, it’s hard to have too much of it. These are people who have a clear sense of individuality. They live their lives as individuals, thinking about things in their own way and doing things in their own manner. They have developed a strong sense of right and wrong and live their lives according to those standards.
Characteristics of People with Low Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem are a very diverse group of people! Some people with low self-esteem overcompensate by wanting to be the center of attention. As a façade they exude a sense of “I am better than you!”
At the other end of the spectrum are the people who have low self-esteem and cover up their insecurity by seeming to be painfully shy. They may refuse to try anything new for fear of failing. It may even seem like they have an “I don’t care” attitude about things that are important, when in fact they care very much about what others think of them!
10 Ways to Build Self-Esteem
You have control over your self-esteem. You can work toward improving your self-esteem, or you can let your negative self-image control you. The following are 10 ways to improve your self-esteem.
- Have realistic expectations for yourself.
Not everyone will be a prima ballerina! - Do not put yourself down.
It opens the door for others to do the same. - Allow yourself to have positive experiences.
It will build your self-esteem to have accomplishments. - Emphasize your strengths.
Don’t dwell on your “mistakes”. - Work on those things about yourself that are changeable.
You can’t change your height, but you can change your attitude. - Treat yourself kindly and take care of yourself.
Not everyone learns new things at the same rate of speed. - Give yourself credit for your successes.
You don’t have to make a big production, just bask in the good feeling. - Realize that sometimes your failures are not completely your fault.
You do not control everything in the world. - Learn something new every day.
Increasing your knowledge can feel powerful. - Choose your friends and support system carefully.
These are the people who will lift you up or tear you down. Choose wisely!
Take-away Point
Self-esteem is how you see yourself in the world. No matter who or what has challenged you, you can be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.
Quotes
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.
Diane Von Furstenberg (1946- )
Quotes are from Everyday Power: Self Esteem Quotes on Building Confidence and Self-Worth
With warmest regards,
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