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Kathryn@relationshipsrelearned.com
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Relationships Relearned offers information,
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sustaining successful healthy relationships.
  • Relationships Relearned
  • About Kathryn Maietta, MSW, LCSW
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    • Be Angry, But Not Aggressive
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    • Crush Your Stress – 302 Coping Skills for Managing Your Stress
      • PDF Forms
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    • Three Brains: What is The Figurative Concept?
    • The Paradigm Shift
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    • Five Roadblocks to Effective Communication
    • What is a Healthy Relationship?
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In The Face of Change, How to Have Courage and Resilience

In The Face of Change, How to Have Courage and Resilience

April 12, 2022 Resilience
This family demonstrates resilience in a changed environment due to a devastating hurricane.
This family’s environment in Mexico Beach changed in the aftermath of Hurricane Michael. Continuing to live life in the face of adversity demonstrates resilience. Photo by David Harrington

“In this world, nothing is certain except death and taxes.”
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
National Constitution Center: Benjamin Franklin’s last great quote and the Constitution

There is something else that could probably be added to this 1789 Benjamin Franklin quote. Individuals, society and the world are always in a constant state of change. It is inevitable.

The events of the last three years have challenged people all over the world. Our lives have been turned upside down by a virus so small the naked eye can’t even see it! Some people were better able to adjust to the changes brought about by the coronavirus than others. Those people demonstrated courage and resilience.

Change

Change is a variation or deviation from the norm. Dictionary.com: Definitions – Change

For many, change is a motivator to assess their lives and the way they are relating to others. It is frequently perceived with fear and dread because of its unknown and ambiguous nature. Change is about altering the sense and order you have maintained in life.

Others actually crave change! They feel exhilarated to think about something in a different way or do things differently from anyone else. They actually need that continuous change in order to feel vital and alive.

There are also people who insist that any type of change is “bad”. A common question people will ask is, “Why me?” Some may even feel they have experienced “too much” change in their life. Others feel they will lose a part of themselves in order to adjust to a change. Another thought is that people believe if they just ignore change it will go away.

Some people when faced with change get angry with the people in their lives who confront them. They might even fantasize how life might have been if everything had remained the same. These are the people who are willing to do anything in order to avoid necessary changes in their lives.

Courage

Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear. Dictionary.com: Definitions – Courage

Sometimes courage is about making small changes in your life. Having success with small changes makes you feel more confident about making bigger changes. Your brain is hardwired to remember the “bad stuff”, but what if you change how you view smaller setbacks in life? If you called your “mistakes” “learning experiences” what would change in your life? Your courage allows you to focus on your successes and to make changes.

Sometimes change is hard because you lack the courage to move away from the “what if” thinking. Or, the “I should” thinking. What happens if you say to yourself, “I should have known better!” or “I should have listened to my parents!”? Now, that is a change that takes courage! When you are stuck in the “what if” thinking or the “I should” thinking, your courage is destroyed and real change cannot happen.

Stop worrying. One of the biggest obstacles to having the courage to make changes is overwhelming anxiety. An example might be going for a job interview. You can spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the interviewer and the questions the interviewer will ask you. Or you could prepare by becoming familiar with the company and becoming comfortable answering common interview questions, for example, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” In this example, you have the courage to make changes in your job situation.

Resilience

Resilience is the ability of a person to adjust to or recover readily from illness, adversity and major life changes. Dictionary.com: Definitions – Resilience

People will face different situations in which they will need resilience:

  • personal situations, for example, finding a new job after the business you worked for shut down
  • physical situations, for example, your body recovering from the coronavirus
  • community situations, for example, the country recovering from the changes forced by the coronavirus

Personal resilience is about bouncing back from an adverse situation. There are some people who just seem to manage problems with ease. They are the people who see the light at the end of a tunnel as the opening of the tunnel. People without personal resilience tend to see the light at the end of the tunnel as the train coming to roll them over. Resilience becomes a mindset.

While we can have all kinds of resilience, there will always be:

  • Situations with solutions, for example, change, not getting that promotion
  • Situations that will naturally get better with time, for example, starting a new job and the learning curve
  • Situations that little can be done about, for example, a tornado

The great part about resilience is that because it is something that has been learned, it is something that can be unlearned and relearned in a different way. For more information on resilience, please see my article: 30 Ways to Boost Resilience

Implementing Your Courage and Resilience

It is not easy to be courageous or to practice resilience in the face of change. But you can do this! You can be your own change agent. The most important aspect of practicing courage and resilience is to create a space in your head, in your home, or in your workplace where it is safe to express yourself, share ideas and/or make “mistakes”. Eliminate negativity in these spheres of your life.

Change is rarely a direct process from A to C. There will be many twists and turns as the change is addressed. This is where your courage and resilience will need to come into play. Being able to tolerate meandering from A to B to C will be key to accepting change.

In a business settling, many managers report spending 70-80% of their effort and energy working with their lowest producers. You know, those people you feel like you have to drag along to get them to do anything. They are the people who actively resist change. Is this you in your personal life? Are you spending 70-80% of your waking time focused on why you can’t do something? Or are you spending 70-80% of your time living in a courageous space? With resilience?

10 Benefits of Adjusting to Change

There are benefits of using courage and resilience to adapt to changes in your life:

  1. You will develop new behavioral patterns.
  2. You will have personal, social, and emotional growth.
  3. You will increase your personal and work productivity.
  4. You will restore a sense of order and purpose to life.
  5. You will “get on” with your life.
  6. You will conserve personal energy.
  7. You will have a more relaxed point of view about the realities of life.
  8. You will have a greater acceptance of the inevitability of change.
  9. You will realistically establish new goals for yourself.
  10. You will have improved mental health by reducing stress.

Take-away Point

Change is difficult. Through courage and resilience, you can conquer the obstacles that stand in your way of achieving the successful life you desire.

Quotes

“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”
Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) Country Living: 41 Best Quotes About Change to Help You Move Through Life’s Curveballs

“Change may not always bring growth, but there is no growth without change.”
Roy T. Bennett (1958- ) Parade.com by Maryn Liles – 101 Quotes About Change

“People don’t resist change. They resist being changed.”
Peter Senge (1947- ) Parade.com by Maryn Liles – 101 Quotes About Change

With warmest regards,
Kathryn-End of Post Signature

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About me

For the past 40 years I have been a clinical social worker. My practice focused on working with adults, both individual and couples.

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