Know Your Holiday Bill of Rights
As you look at “closing out” 2020, has the holiday season brought about another layer of stress? Due to COVID, many families will not be celebrating the holidays in their traditional manner. While your adjusted plans may not be the way you want them to be, is there perhaps another way of looking at this imposed change?
You can feel depressed about the changes COVID restrictions have imposed on your holiday traditions. You can feel angry about all of the losses and all of the changes COVID has imposed on your life. Or you can use a paradigm shift to think about your traditions differently. For example:
• Your original thought about the holidays, “the event”: “Because of COVID the holidays will be stressful because I won’t be able to enjoy all of my traditions.”
• The paradigm shift challenge question: “How can I think about the event differently?”
• Your revised thought about the holidays, using your paradigm shift: “I have wanted some holiday traditions to change, but didn’t feel it would be met with support from others. Now is my opportunity to make some changes.”
COVID exists. Its impact may have caused great stress on physical and emotional health and the relationships you have with those around you (family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances and society). What is the “good news” in all of this? You can’t change the stressful event, but you have the power to control how you respond to stressful events.
To learn more about paradigm shifts, please read my article The Paradigm Shift
Holiday Bill of Rights
Many years ago, I found this “Holiday Bill of Rights”. It was developed by the American Psychological Association. Many of my clients found it helpful when thinking about making adjustments to their holiday plans and traditions. In these COVID times, it takes on a special meaning.
“Holiday Bill of Rights”
Developed by the American Psychological Association, date unknown
- You have the right to say TIME OUT, anytime you need to. A time out to blow off a little steam, step away from the holidays, have a “huddle” time and start over.
Example from 2020: “I want and need to take a break from talking about COVID.”
- You have the right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS. When people ask, “How are you?”, you have a right to tell them how you REALLY feel, not just want they want to hear. You need to take care of yourself, be attuned to your feelings. By the way, you also have the right to smile and say you’re fine, because telling them how you really feel isn’t worth your time – some people will never understand anyway.
Example from 2020: “I feel frustrated that people are not taking COVID precautions seriously, for example, wearing masks and limiting their social gatherings.”
- You have the right to some “BAH HUMBUG” days. You don’t have to be “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” all the time. You are not a bad person just because you don’t feel like singing Christmas carols all day.
Example from 2020: “I am just feeling down / sad / depressed about COVID and I just don’t have the energy right now to celebrate the holidays.”
- You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that says you must always do the holidays the same way. You can send 10 cards instead of 100 – or no cards at all. You can open presents at someone else’s house. You can do without a tree. You can have pizza instead of a turkey. Make up your own rules.
Example from 2020: “I will do Zoom calls to grandparents this year instead of exposing them to COVID.”
- You have a right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Be at home, or with relatives, or with friends. Be in any city or state you choose. There’s no law that says you have to stay home.
Example from 2020: “COVID gives me an excuse to avoid all the holiday traveling, and just stay at home.”
- You have the right to have some FUN. Don’t be afraid of what someone will say if they see you laughing and having a good time. Laughter is every bit as therapeutic as tears.
Example from 2020: “I know COVID is serious business, but maybe it is the best year ever to take time to make holiday crafts or presents.”
- You have the right to change direction in MID-STREAM. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and be suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized. When that happens, it’s okay to change your mind.
Example from 2020: “Based on the changing COVID situation, I may have planned to visit my grandparents, but with spikes in positive cases, I will do a Zoom visit.”
- You have the right to do things at DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or synagogue at a different time. Open presents at a different time. Serve your meal at a different time. Go to bed at a different time. You are not a slave to the holiday clock.
Example from 2020: “I want to open presents on Christmas Eve and sleep in on Christmas day.”
- You have the right to REST, PEACE, and SOLITUDE. You don’t need to be busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray or meditate or recharge your spirit – it can do much more for you than eating another big meal.
Example from 2020: “I want to avoid large gatherings, the awkward holiday party at work, and spending time with extended family members I do not enjoy.”
- You have the right to DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. Just because you change things one year or try something different, does not mean you have written it in stone. Next year you can always change it and do it in yet another new way.
Example from 2020: “I have changed my holiday plans this year because of COVID, but I can do the same things next year, go back to the way it was for next year, or do something entirely differently.”
Additional Stress Management Ideas
If the holidays are overwhelming and you are in need of coping skills to manage your holiday stress, perhaps Crush Your Stress: 302 Coping Skills for Managing Your Stress can provide you with what you need.
I look forward to being your partner as you explore all of your relationships in 2021.
With warmest regards,
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