In today’s world people seem so angry and on edge. World events from covid -19 to Putin’s invasion of Ukraine can be to blame. But sharing the blame are the politicians, sports figures, actors, musicians and TV personalities who all spew, on a daily basis, how important their ideas are and how much smarter they think they are than those who follow them. These are the aggressive communicators in our world. If someone should disagree or challenge their opinions? Oh my! Read my blog on Who are the Aggressive Communicators in Your Life

These sanctimonious individuals have no idea what it means to be assertive. They are invested in fear and divisiveness to sell their brand instead of identifying and promoting what unifies. Shame on them.

Perhaps focusing on how to be assertive, instead of aggressive, would do us all some good.

What is an assertive communicator?

Assertive communicators are people who are respectful and effective in their communication. These individuals express their thoughts in a polite manner that is also considerate of other people. They listen. This style offers an effective and healthy way to express and hear thoughts, feelings and opinions.

People who are assertive value themselves and their time. Their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs are important to them. Assertive communicators tend to be strong advocates for themselves. They are also strong advocates for people who cannot or do not advocate for themselves.

Assertive communicators are people who enjoy good mental health while promoting healthy relationships. The Four Basic Styles of Communication

Assertive Communication Styles

Assertive communicators encourage an open and honest dialogue, relying on two-way conversations. Not only does it include politely expressing opinions, but also asking for feedback and listening to other people’s differing ideas. 4 Types of Communication Styles

Assertive communicators can be firm, but not abrasive, with their listener. They exude respect and confidence. They do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them. Assertive communicators encourage everyone to speak, without interruption. A respectful environment is created to allow and encourage others to grow and mature.

Assertive communicators enjoy and function best with conversation partners who are willing to openly and honestly discuss situations. The 4 communication styles and how they impact customer communication. Differences of opinion are not a cause of fear or anger, but an opportunity to hear different thoughts and perspectives. There is an openness about assertive communicators that is absent from aggressive, passive or passive-aggressive people.

The message of the assertive communicator is direct, clear and reflects honest feelings.
Conversations are balanced, with both people having a chance to state their needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully. They are able to keep on point in their discussions with others.
Tell The Difference Between Assertive, Passive and Aggressive Behaviour

Examples of Assertive Behavior

Assertive communicators use a calm, clear, conversational tone of voice while making non-threatening eye contact. Their facial expression and body language usually matches their verbal message. The assertive communicator usually has a relaxed posture.

Because assertive communicators are confident and are more interested in having a give-and-take dialogue with a significant other, they tend to have more successful relationships than people who are aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive. This is especially true when both people in a relationship are assertive.

Examples of assertive statements
• “Even though we don’t agree, I respect your opinion.”
• “We are both allowed to express ourselves.”
• “Here’s what I think. What do you think?”
• “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”
• “I respect the rights of others.”

Examples of assertive people
Sometimes it is easier to understand a communication style by seeing the behavior in practice. It is fairly easy to pick out who the assertive communicator is. It will be the person whom you will notice as being:
• Respected by those they are speaking with
• Someone who is nodding or giving other nonverbal clues of engagement
• A listener as well as a speaker
• A speaker with an even tone of voice

Of course, it is difficult to really know anyone you read or hear about on the 24 hour news cycle. Everyone has a back story. These are examples from people from history who typify assertive behavior. You may disagree, and that is okay. Both of these examples would feel strongly about your right to have an opinion and free speech!

While it is always difficult to really know someone you have never met, these two people from history have a public persona that exudes assertiveness. They are both known for having strong opinions while being willing to listen to what others have to say.

Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)
Martin Luther King, Jr. was a minister and activist for civil rights in the United States. His adoption of nonviolent resistance to achieve equal rights for Black Americans earned him the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964. Civil Rights Leader – Martin Luther King, Jr. Probably the speech that he is most known for is his “I Have a Dream” speech.

MLK exemplified being an assertive communicator. He was known for his listening and oration skills. He exuded confidence and had a strong belief in his causes.

On April 4, 1968 at his Memphis hotel, MLK was assassinated. In memorial since 1983, the third Monday in January has been identified as Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, a federal holiday.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg (1933-2020)
Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a Supreme Court Justice who passed away in 2020 from complications of metastatic pancreatic cancer. She was given the nickname, “Notorious RBG” because of the juxtaposition of Ginsburg’s small stature, but powerful presence on the Supreme Court.

A strong voice in favor of gender equality, the rights of workers and the separation of church and state, Ginsburg was nominated by President Bill Clinton to the Supreme Court in 1993. Because of her tenacity as an ACLU lawyer, some questioned if she could be impartial as a justice. However, her reputation as being an assertive communicator, someone who could listen as much as she could persuade, she was easily confirmed by the Senate, 96-3. Ginsburg became the court’s second female justice as well as the first Jewish female justice. Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Interacting with an assertive communicator

Assertive people are very easy to interact with. They will listen, engage and listen again. No need to “manage” or “handle” the assertive communicator! This is the ideal situation for communication.

Take-away point

People who are assertive communicators speak openly, honestly and encourage open dialogue. Having conversations with the assertive communicator can be a pleasure! Be the communicator you want to communicate with!

Quote about being assertive:

My father used to say “Don’t raise your voice.  Improve your argument.”
Archbishop Desmond Tutu (1931-2021 )   Desmond Tutu Quotes

For more information on communications, please see my article: Five Roadblocks to Effective Communication

With warmest regards,

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