{"id":401,"date":"2020-07-29T12:47:18","date_gmt":"2020-07-29T17:47:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/?page_id=401"},"modified":"2023-03-19T11:29:25","modified_gmt":"2023-03-19T16:29:25","slug":"the-paradigm-shift","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/the-paradigm-shift\/","title":{"rendered":"The Paradigm Shift"},"content":{"rendered":"
[vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1600017444920{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1600017507841{margin-bottom: 20px !important;}”]Definition of a Paradigm Shift:<\/strong>\u00a0An important change that happens when the usual way of thinking about or doing something is replaced by a new and different way.<\/span>
\nFrom<\/span> Merriam-Webster Dictionary<\/span><\/em>[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1628439690748{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]\n

A Paradigm Shift<\/h2>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]If you look at an 8 oz. glass with 4 oz. of water, what do you see? Many people would see the glass as half empty. Those people would be considered pessimists. Other people would see the glass as half full. These people are the optimists. A paradigm shift occurs when a pessimist looks at an event differently, through the eyes of an optimist.[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Activity:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Lift up your right hand. Look at the back of your hand. Now flip your hand over and look at the palm of your hand. You have just created your own visual for the Paradigm Shift: you have looked at your hand from one side (one perspective), and then looked at your hand from the opposite side (the opposite perspective).<\/span><\/p>\n

Visualize this activity when you are in need of a paradigm shift!<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”624″ img_size=”200×100″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1598559638927{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629568749860{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Under the best of circumstances healthy relationships require constant attention and nurturing. If you enter a pessimistic cycle about life events, it is likely you will also be pessimistic in your relationships. Using the technique of the Paradigm Shift allows the opportunity of looking at events differently and having the healthy relationships you seek.<\/p>\n

\u201cEvents\u201d or \u201csituations\u201d happen thousands of times per day. Based on your thoughts, you have feelings. Based on your feelings you follow through with a behavior. The following is a visual of the Paradigm Shift:[\/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”640″ img_size=”700×350″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1599948030826{margin-top: 0px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: -10px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629568848256{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]To set the Paradigm Shift in motion, you only have to ask yourself one question: \u201cHow can I think about the event differently?\u201d<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column css=”.vc_custom_1599943032165{margin-bottom: -10px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1607105205697{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]\n

An Event Occurs<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629568960835{margin-top: 10px !important;}”]Event Definition<\/em><\/strong>
\nAn event occurs when something happens that catches our attention. It can be very small and inconsequential, for example, someone rolls their eyes at you. Or it can be more significant, for example, a car accident. Both are events.<\/em>[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629569473248{margin-top: -15px !important;}”]Every minute of your waking day events are occurring all around you. Most events are so inconsequential they pass without notice: a dog barks, a child throws their book bag on the couch, someone burns the toast and the smoke alarm goes off, a co-worker chews and snaps their chewing gum. All are fairly insignificant. All are events.<\/p>\n

Then there are the events that have great significance. You are driving in the driving lane on the interstate when a car barrels up the on ramp, never yielding, almost hitting your car. That is an event! Your spouse comes home from work one day and says, \u201cI want a divorce!\u201d That is an event!<\/p>\n

Most events will fall somewhere in the middle between the inconsequential events and the great significance events. What is important to understand is that the process of the Paradigm Shift is the same for the smoke alarm going off\u00a0 and your spouse asking for a divorce. Based on the event you will have thoughts. Based on your thoughts you will have feelings. Based on your feelings you will have a behavior.[\/vc_column_text][vc_single_image image=”3628″ img_size=”598×425″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1678716706980{margin-top: -10px !important;margin-left: -26px !important;}”][vc_single_image image=”422″ img_size=”600×575″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1596218832809{margin-left: -30px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629570349444{margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]The event doesn\u2019t change, the process doesn\u2019t change. The only thing that changes are your thoughts.<\/strong> Once an event occurs, the event cannot be changed. What can be changed are your thoughts concerning the event.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629570378774{margin-top: 10px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]\n

Your Thoughts are Based on the Event<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629570647296{margin-top: 10px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]When an event occurs and it has risen to the level of importance to address, one of the following will occur:
\n1. You have positive or neutral thoughts of the event.
\n2. You have negative thoughts of the event.
\n3. You start to go down the negative thoughts path. You stop. You visual the Paradigm Shift activity of looking at the palm of your hand. You then ask yourself the Paradigm Shift question: \u201cHow can I think about the event differently?\u201d[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner][vc_column_inner width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Thoughts Example:<\/span><\/p>\n

The event: Cheryl asks Phil, \u201cJust once do you think you could hang up your wet towel after taking a shower?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Phil will have one of the following three responses to the event (Cheryl\u2019s question):<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Phil has positive thoughts of the event.
\nPhil thinks, \u201cCheryl is right. Leaving the wet towel on the floor just makes more laundry.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Phil has negative thoughts of the event.
\nPhil thinks, \u201cCheryl is making a big deal about nothing. I don\u2019t know why I have to be nagged about this all the time!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Phil starts to go down the negative thoughts path but stops the negative thought. He asks himself, \u201cHow can I think about the event differently?\u201d He thinks, \u201dThis isn\u2019t important to me. But it is important to Cheryl. I need to remember to pick up my wet bath towel after my shower.\u201d<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/3″][vc_single_image image=”415″ img_size=”150×350″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1596121478866{padding-top: 40px !important;}”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629571093891{margin-top: -20px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]In this example, the event (Cheryl asking Phil to pick up his wet bath towel) will not change. What will change are the variations of Phil\u2019s responses: positive, negative or the Paradigm Shift. The Paradigm Shift will be the relationship enhancing decision.<\/p>\n

Thoughts will occur immediately after an event. It might not even take a nanosecond to have these thoughts. However once the thought occurs, there are two options:
\n\u2022<\/strong> Following through with your immediate positive or negative thoughts or
\n\u2022<\/strong> Using the Paradigm Shift.<\/p>\n

Based on our thoughts of an event, there are always resulting feelings.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629571138579{margin-bottom: 5px !important;}”]\n

Your Feelings are Based on Your Thoughts<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]An important point about feelings is that they should never be considered positive or negative, only \u201cpleasant\u201d or \u201cunpleasant\u201d based on their physiological impact. To understand the physiological impact of feelings, recite out loud the following feeling words: happy, giddy, excited, anticipation, passion. Physiologically do you feel \u201clight\u201d or \u201cgood\u201d? Recite out loud the following feeling words: anger, rage, disappointment, embarrassment, guilt. Physiologically do you still feel \u201clight\u201d or \u201cgood\u201d? Probably not. This is the physiological effect of feelings.[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner css=”.vc_custom_1598563574298{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column_inner width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Feelings Example:<\/span><\/p>\n

The event: Cheryl asks Phil, \u201cJust once do you think you could hang up your wet towel after taking a shower?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Based on Phil\u2019s thoughts, he experiences feelings:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Phil has positive thoughts.
\nBased on his positive thoughts he feels: apologetic and committed.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Phil has negative thoughts.
\nBased on his negative thoughts he feels: annoyed and bitter.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Phil does the Paradigm Shift.
\nBased on his use of the Paradigm Shift he feels: compassionate and empathetic.<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/3″][vc_single_image image=”415″ img_size=”150×350″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1598563612698{margin-top: -10px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629571661515{margin-top: -20px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]When Phil\u2019s thoughts are positive, his feelings are pleasant. When Phil\u2019s thoughts are negative, his feelings are unpleasant. The only difference between his positive and negative feelings is the difference in his thoughts. While thoughts might be almost instantaneous after an event, the Paradigm Shift can always come into play. As difficult as it may seem, you always<\/strong> have the option of changing your thoughts: \u201cHow can I think about the event differently?\u201d<\/p>\n

It is at this point of experiencing unpleasant feelings that you have one last chance to do the Paradigm Shift before going into the destructive behavioral mode. It is the last chance to say, \u201cThe event isn\u2019t worth the trouble to me of destructive behavior\u201d. You can stop at the unpleasant feelings. It is your choice to stop or to continue on to destructive behavior.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1598563465593{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629571722930{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]\n

Your Behavior is Based on Your Feelings<\/h3>\n[\/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1629571800945{margin-top: 10px !important;}”]Your behavior is based on your feelings. Pleasant feelings result in constructive behavior. Unpleasant feelings result in destructive behavior. When someone says, \u201cI can\u2019t control my behavior\u201d or \u201cI just lost it and punched a wall\u201d, this simply is not true. It is an excuse for destructive behavior. Behavior is always based on feelings.<\/strong>[\/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner css=”.vc_custom_1598563543975{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column_inner width=”2\/3″][vc_column_text]Behavior Example:<\/span><\/p>\n

The event: Cheryl asks Phil, \u201cJust once do you think you could hang up your wet towel after taking a shower?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Based on Phil\u2019s feelings, he has the following behavior:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Phil has positive thoughts and pleasant feelings.
\nHe makes eye contact with Cheryl and says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I know it bothers you. I will do my best to remember to pick up my wet towels.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Phil has negative thoughts and unpleasant feelings.
\nHe glares at Cheryl and says, \u201cI don\u2019t care about the wet towel. If it is so important to you, pick it up yourself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Phil does the Paradigm Shift.
\nHe turns to face Cheryl and says, \u201cIt is inconsiderate of me to leave a wet towel on the floor. I am sorry you have to keep reminding me. In the future I will pick up my wet towel.\u201d<\/span>[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column_inner][vc_column_inner width=”1\/3″][vc_single_image image=”415″ img_size=”150×350″ alignment=”center” css=”.vc_custom_1596124477945{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 40px !important;}”][\/vc_column_inner][\/vc_row_inner][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1598563513810{margin-top: -20px !important;}”]When Phil\u2019s feelings are pleasant, his behavior is constructive. When Phil\u2019s feelings are unpleasant, his behavior is destructive. Not relationship enhancing. The only difference between Phil\u2019s destructive and constructive behavior are his feelings. Phil has control of his behavior because he has control of his feelings. While thoughts might be almost instantaneous after an event, the Paradigm Shift can always come into play. We always have the option of changing our thoughts and feelings.[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row][vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1598563489803{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text]Practice, Practice, Practice!<\/strong>
\nThe whole process from an event to behavior can take a nanosecond. Sometimes people will deny thinking at all or having any feelings. They have just gone from something happening (the event) to their behavior. Not being aware the process exists doesn\u2019t mean the process is not happening.<\/strong><\/p>\n

The only way to slow down the nanosecond process is to practice the Paradigm Shift. Because thousands of events happen each day, it should be easy to think of an event that resulted in a behavior that was \u201cnot your best moment\u201d. Now that you have a new skill, try thinking about the event differently. This is the Paradigm Shift.<\/p>\n

Posted: 9\/20
\nRevised: 08\/21[\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

[vc_row css=”.vc_custom_1600017444920{margin-top: -20px !important;}”][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1600017507841{margin-bottom: 20px !important;}”]Definition of a Paradigm Shift:\u00a0An important change that happens when the usual way of thinking about or doing something […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-401","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=401"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/401\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3647,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/401\/revisions\/3647"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}