{"id":1474,"date":"2021-03-16T10:30:00","date_gmt":"2021-03-16T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/?p=1474"},"modified":"2023-11-07T11:39:55","modified_gmt":"2023-11-07T17:39:55","slug":"7-time-out-steps-and-how-to-use-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/7-time-out-steps-and-how-to-use-them\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Healthy Time Out Steps and How to Use Them"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\"Time
Time Out Clock For Adults<\/sup><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Time Outs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTime out\u201d is an interesting phrase that has so many meanings:
\u2022 During a basketball game the Celtics can call a \u201ctime out\u201d to rethink a strategy.
\u2022 During a football game the Buccaneers might have a \u201ctime out\u201d for a commercial advertisement.
\u2022 If you step away from your computer, your computer can \u201ctime out\u201d and will require you to sign back on.
\u2022 Parents will sometimes give their children a \u201ctime out\u201d as a disciplinary action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The \u201ctime out\u201d described in this blog is something different. It is a \u201ctime out\u201d that you give yourself. It is to be used when:
\u2022 You don\u2019t think you can \u201csit with uncomfortable feelings\u201d.
\u2022 You start to SAY or DO something you think you might regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Time outs are always for YOU, never to be \u201cgiven\u201d to another adult \u2013 EVER!! Time outs should be used to gain control over YOURSELF, NEVER to be used to:
\u2022 control another person
\u2022 avoid a situation
\u2022 ignore a situation
\u2022 get out of discussing a subject<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes people will say \u201cI\u2019m out of here!\u201d and then proceed to flee out of a room or home, sometimes followed by a slammed door. What this accomplishes is to:
\u2022 create a power and control dynamic of the person \u201chuffing and puffing\u201d as they are leaving
\u2022 stop a discussion
\u2022 frustrate and\/or cause fear in the person left behind
\u2022 demonstrate poor communication skills
\u2022 assure a resolution to any conflict will not be achieved<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you are having a discussion with someone, and the two of you cannot come up with a win-win solution, pushing harder will not get you to a positive end result. Read my blog: Conflict and 4 Simple Resolutions You Should Know<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take a time out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Steps to a Taking a Time Out<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
    \n
  1. Explain to the other person WHY you need a time out.
    Example<\/span>: \u201cMy mind is racing, and I am afraid I am going to say something I will regret. I need to take a \u2018time out\u2019\u201d.
    Explanation<\/span>: It is important for you to let the other person know something is going on with you. Holding in your feelings or \u201cexploding\u201d are not helpful or appropriate.
    Effect on relationships<\/span>: Without the explanation of what is going on with you, it sets up a power and control dynamic.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    <\/div>\n\n\n\n
      \n
    1. Identify HOW LONG you will be gone.
      Example<\/span>: \u201cI will be gone for 15 minutes, and then I will be back\u201d.
      Explanation<\/span>: Thinking about how long it will take you to calm down, or \u201cput your thoughts together\u201d, is important. Leaving the time frame open-ended leaves the whole discussion up in the air.
      Effect on relationships<\/span>: This gives the other person a timeline so are not to worry about when you will return.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      <\/div>\n\n\n\n
        \n
      1. Explain WHAT you will do while you are gone.
        Example<\/span>: \u201cI am going for a walk.\u201d
        Explanation<\/span>: Letting the other people know you will be doing something constructive as you think about the discussion allow them to do the same.
        Effect on relationships<\/span>: This lets the other person know your time away will not be used for drinking alcohol \/ drugging and\/or spending time with \u201cunsafe\/unhealthy\u201d people!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
        <\/div>\n\n\n\n
          \n
        1. DO exactly what you said you were going to do.
          Example<\/span>: You said you were going to take a walk around the neighborhood, so you must take a walk around the neighborhood.
          Explanation<\/span>: Doing what you said you were going to do allows you time to think about the discussion and how you would like to proceed.
          Effect on relationships<\/span>: This adds credibility and increases trust in the relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
          <\/div>\n\n\n\n
            \n
          1. RETURN when you said you were going to return.
            Example<\/span>: You said you would return in 15 minutes, so do it!
            Explanation<\/span>: Even if you have not been able to calm down, return when you said you would return. You can always ask for an extension of time if one or both of you are not ready to calmly discuss whatever was causing distress.
            Effect on relationships<\/span>: Again, this adds credibility and increases trust in the relationship.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
            <\/div>\n\n\n\n
              \n
            1. CHECK IN with the other person.
              Example<\/span>: Ask, \u201cAre you ready to talk?\u201d
              Explanation<\/span>: It is important to check in with the other person, to determine if they have had adequate time to reflect on the discussion. If not, ask them how much more time they would like. And respect their request.
              Effect on relationships<\/span>: Your credibility requires you to also care about the other person\u2019s thoughts and feelings.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
              <\/div>\n\n\n\n
                \n
              1. COMPLETE the discussion.
                Example<\/span>: Talk about whatever was distressing the two of you.
                Explanation<\/span>: The purpose of the time out is to give you a chance to \u201ccollect yourself\u201d. When you return after taking a walk you should be able to have a calm rational discussion.
                Effect on relationships<\/span>: Your credibility requires you to do what you said you were going to do.
                A Balanced Life – How Adult Time Outs Can Save Your Relationship<\/em><\/a> <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
                <\/div>\n\n\n\n

                Sometimes when you return, you perhaps realize both of you were \u201coverreacting\u201d and there really isn\u2019t anything to resolve. Frequently the \u201ctime out\u201d has been a cooling off period, allowing both of you to be more appropriate and thoughtful in your communication. At that point, healthy resolution is likely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                Quotes on Time Outs:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                \u201cIf you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.\u201d \u2013 Will Rogers (1879-1935)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                \u201cTake a rest. A field that has rested yields a beautiful crop.\u201d \u2013 Publius Ovidius Naso, AKA Ovid (43 B.C.-17 or 18 A.D.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                With warmest regards,
                \"Kathryn-End<\/p>\n\n\n\n

                To be notified of new posts like 7 Healthy Time Out Steps and How to Use Them,<\/em> please enter your email address and click on the Subscribe button.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

                <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                Time Outs \u201cTime out\u201d is an interesting phrase that has so many meanings:\u2022 During a basketball game the Celtics can call a \u201ctime out\u201d to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1502,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[51,54,39,38],"tags":[55],"class_list":["post-1474","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-anger","category-communication","category-relationships","category-stress","tag-adult-time-out"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/02\/Adult-Time-Out-Clock-e1616016349976.png?fit=360%2C360&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1474","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1474"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1474\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4233,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1474\/revisions\/4233"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1502"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}