{"id":2793,"date":"2022-03-29T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-29T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/?p=2793"},"modified":"2023-11-07T10:37:36","modified_gmt":"2023-11-07T16:37:36","slug":"who-are-the-passive-aggressive-communicators-in-your-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/who-are-the-passive-aggressive-communicators-in-your-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Who are the Passive-Aggressive Communicators in your Life?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"845\" height=\"634\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Niagara-Falls.jpg?resize=845%2C634&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Niagara Falls is a passive-aggressive image. The passive beauty with the aggressive nature of moving water.\" class=\"wp-image-2866\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Niagara-Falls.jpg?w=845&amp;ssl=1 845w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Niagara-Falls.jpg?resize=300%2C225&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Niagara-Falls.jpg?resize=768%2C576&amp;ssl=1 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 845px) 100vw, 845px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><em><sup>Niagara Falls, a natural passive visually beautiful environment with its aggressive moving and falling water.<\/sup><\/em> <em><sup>Photo by David Harrington<\/sup><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\" id=\"what-is-a-passive-aggressive-communicator\">What is a passive-aggressive communicator?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"m0\">The passive-aggressive communicator is someone who presents as if they don\u2019t care about something (passive), but internally they may be seething (aggressive). Passive-aggressive communicators will:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"m0 has-background wp-block-list\" style=\"background-color:#f7fdfd\">\n<li class=\"\">mutter comments \u201cunder their breath\u201d so that another will know <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">something<\/span> has been said, but not <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">what<\/span> has been said, for example, \u201cYou knew I didn\u2019t want to go to this restaurant, but here we are anyway!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">refuse to confront others about something that is bothering them, for example, responding with, \u201cNothing is wrong. I am not angry\/upset.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">talk about a problem with someone who isn\u2019t a part of the problem, for example, \u201cI could never tell \u201cX\u201d I wasn\u2019t truthful about how much money I spent last month.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">tell someone they will do something, but have no follow through.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">Passive-aggressive communication is ineffective because it is deceitful. A key value when communicating is clarity. Being a passive-aggressive communicator wastes everybody\u2019s time when people don\u2019t openly express their ideas.<strong> <\/strong><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.g2.com\/articles\/communication-styles\" rel=\"nofollow\">4 Types of Communication Styles<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Passive-aggressive interactions with others<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">The message of the passive-aggressive communicator is often unclear. Their message tends to be disrespectful and is not viewed as credible. Passive-aggressive communicators seem unreasonable, irrational, hostile, rude and uncooperative. Others tend to retaliate and avoid the passive-aggressive communicator. Communication is not effective. Relationships are lost or not taken seriously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">Examples of passive-aggressive behavior might include avoiding direct or clear communication, evading problems, fear of intimacy or competition, making excuses, blaming others, obstructionism, playing the victim, feigning compliance with requests, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, and hiding anger. <a href=\"https:\/\/counsellingservice.eu\/tell-the-difference-between-assertive-passive-and-aggressive-behaviour\"><em>Tell The Difference Between Assertive, Passive and Aggressive Behavior <\/em><\/a> also see my blog on <em><a href=\"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/nonverbal-communications-what-is-not-being-said-is-important\/\">Nonverbal Communications: What is Not Being Said is Important<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful \u2013 in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.uky.edu\/hr\/sites\/www.uky.edu.hr\/files\/wellness\/images\/Conf14_FourCommStyles.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\">The Four Basic Styles of Communication<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Behavior of the passive-aggressive communicator<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">Most passive-aggressive communicators have difficulty acknowledging their anger. They frequently use facial expressions that don\u2019t match how they feel and even deny there is a problem. Passive-aggressive communicators are most likely to communicate with body language or a lack of open communication to another person, such as giving someone the silent treatment, spreading rumors behind people\u2019s backs or sabotaging others\u2019 efforts. <a href=\"https:\/\/online.alvernia.edu\/articles\/4-types-communication-styles\/\"> <\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/online.alvernia.edu\/articles\/4-types-communication-styles\/\" rel=\"nofollow\"><em>4 Types of Communication <\/em><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/online.alvernia.edu\/articles\/4-types-communication-styles\/\"><em>Styles<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">A way to identify someone who is passive-aggressive is to look for sarcasm. After saying something rude, sarcastic, or damaging, they may say, \u201cI was only joking.\u201d <a href=\"https:\/\/soulsalt.com\/communication-style\/\"><em>The 4 Communication Styles: How Behavioral Traits Affect Communication<\/em> <\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Impact on relationships of being passive-aggressive<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">Because passive-aggressive communicators are indirect and frequently manipulative, their relationships with others will suffer. This style of communication does not lend itself well to successful relationships. Just the opposite!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">There tend to be some misconceptions about communication styles. It is important to remember that these styles tend to be fluid, and that your typical communication style may change over time as you learn from life experiences and as you mature. You may be assertive with coworkers, but passive-aggressive with family members. You may be assertive with people you know well, but aggressive with strangers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">Ideally, you want to be assertive in most of your communication with others. Don\u2019t worry! If you find yourself frequently using the other three styles, the good news is that because communication styles are learned, you can unlearn the unhealthy ones and relearn healthier communication styles!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Statements used by the passive-aggressive communicator<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"m0 has-background wp-block-list\" style=\"background-color:#f7fdfd\">\n<li class=\"\">\u201cWhatever.\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">\u201cDon\u2019t worry. Even someone at your age can learn how to ride a bike!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">\u201cI was only kidding. Can\u2019t you take a joke?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">\u201cI thought everyone knew that!\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">\u201cI\u2019m not angry. What makes you think I am angry?\u201d<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\">\u201cWhy are you so upset?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Examples of passive-aggressive behavior from the media<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"m10\">Sometimes it is easier to recognize passive-aggressiveness in the behavior of others. The best examples of passive-aggressive behavior occur when someone says one thing, but behaves in a very different way. These are examples in the news:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"m10 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#f5e0e1\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Example One: Alec Baldwin<\/strong><\/span><br>On October 21, 2021 Alec Baldwin was involved in a fatal incident on a movie set in New Mexico.<em> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/article\/alec-baldwin-shooting-investigation.html\" rel=\"nofollow\">December 17, 2021 What We Know About the Fatal Shooting on Alec Baldwin&#8217;s New Mexico Movie Set<\/a><\/em> Reports came out immediately of his willingness to cooperate with the police to find out what happened. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.latimes.com\/entertainment-arts\/movies\/story\/2021-10-22\/rust-shooting-reactions-alec-baldwin-statement\">Alec Baldwin says he\u2019s cooperating with investigation of fatal shooting on \u2018Rust\u2019 set<\/a><\/em> As part of their investigation police asked Baldwin to turn over his cellphone and password. It took almost three months and a search warrant for Baldwin to comply on January 14, 2022. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thedailybeast.com\/alec-baldwin-surrenders-phone-to-police-in-rust-shooting-probe-a-month-after-search-warrant-issued\">Alec Baldwin Finally Surrenders His Phone After Police Put Him on Blast<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"m10\">Of course, there are many legal reasons for withholding his cellphone. However, Baldwin\u2019s behavior demonstrates his being passive-aggressive. He SAYS he will cooperate with police (passive), but his BEHAVIOR demonstrates aggressiveness (\u201cI will do what I want to do, when I want to do it\u201d). <em><a href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2022\/01\/07\/lawyers-explain-why-alec-baldwin-wont-hand-over-his-phone\/\">Why experts say Alec Baldwin hasn\u2019t handed over his phone. By Natalie O&#8217;Neill January 7, 2022<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"m0 has-background\" style=\"background-color:#f5e0e1\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Example Two: Nancy Pelosi<\/strong><\/span><br>Masks have caused such turmoil in this country! According to the FAA, in 2021 there were 5,981 reports of unruly (aggressive) passengers. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.faa.gov\/data_research\/passengers_cargo\/unruly_passengers\/\">Unruly Passengers<\/a><\/em> Seventy-three percent (4,290 reports) of those incidents involved airline passengers not wanting to wear a facemask. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.usatoday.com\/story\/travel\/airline-news\/2021\/11\/10\/unruly-passengers-penalties-fine-faa-airlines\/6378162001\/\">These &#8216;unruly&#8217; passengers spit, punched and kicked at airline crew members. Now, they face hefty fines.<\/a><\/em> <br><br>Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House of Representatives, has been in the forefront of mask-wearing mandates. However, three incidents demonstrate Pelosi seeming to be passive (telling people to follow the science and wear a mask) and her aggressive behavior (examples of Pelosi not wearing a mask around others):<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"m0 has-background wp-block-list\" style=\"background-color:#f5e0e1\">\n<li class=\"\"><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/world-us-canada-53994209\" data-type=\"URL\" data-id=\"https:\/\/www.bbc.com\/news\/world-us-canada-53994209\">Nancy Pelosi seen without mask inside San Francisco hair salon Published 3 September 2020<\/a><\/em> <\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\"><a href=\"https:\/\/nypost.com\/2021\/08\/22\/video-shows-hoards-of-maskless-people-at-pelosi-fundraiser\/\"><em>Video shows hordes of maskless people at Pelosi fundraiser By David Meyer August 22, 2021<strong> <\/strong><\/em><\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li class=\"\"><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailymail.co.uk\/news\/article-10185899\/Hobnobbing-maskless-hordes-House-speaker-Pelosi-slammed-not-wearing-face-covering.html\">Fury as Pelosi goes maskless indoors at Ivy Getty&#8217;s mobbed San Fran society wedding while schoolkids in California are forced to wear one seven hours a day even outside in recess By ROSS IBBETSON and LAUREN LEWIS FOR DAILYMAIL.COM 10 November 2021<\/a><\/em><strong> <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Take-away point<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">People who are passive-aggressive communicators present one way, but behave in a different way. It is difficult to be in a healthy relationship with someone who is a passive-aggressive communicator.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"m0 wp-block-heading\">Quotes about being passive-aggressive:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">\u201cI\u2019d rather have an enemy who admits that they hate me than a friend who secretly puts me down.\u201d<br>Karen Salmansohn (1974- )<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">\u201cYou cannot become a peacemaker without communication. Silence is a passive-aggressive grenade thrown by insecure people that want war, but they don\u2019t want the accountability of starting it.\u201d<br>Sharon L. Alder (1965- ) <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">The above quotes are from: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thehealthy.com\/family\/relationships\/passive-aggressive-quotes\/\">TheHealthy.com <em>17 Quotes that Shed Light on Passive-Aggressive<\/em> Behavior<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">With warmest regards,<br><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"97\" class=\"wp-image-1389\" style=\"width: 300px;\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Kathryn-RelationshipsRelearned.com_.png?resize=300%2C97&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"Kathryn-End of Post Signature\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Kathryn-RelationshipsRelearned.com_.png?w=681&amp;ssl=1 681w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/Kathryn-RelationshipsRelearned.com_.png?resize=300%2C97&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\">To be notified of new posts, please enter your email address and click on the Subscribe button.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n<p class=\"\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is a passive-aggressive communicator? The passive-aggressive communicator is someone who presents as if they don\u2019t care about something (passive), but internally they may be [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2866,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[54,59],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2793","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-feelings"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/Niagara-Falls.jpg?fit=845%2C634&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2793","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2793"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2793\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4211,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2793\/revisions\/4211"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2866"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2793"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2793"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2793"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}