{"id":3062,"date":"2022-07-05T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-07-05T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/?p=3062"},"modified":"2022-10-23T11:49:20","modified_gmt":"2022-10-23T16:49:20","slug":"ill-try-no-realistic-expectation-of-success","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/ill-try-no-realistic-expectation-of-success\/","title":{"rendered":"Saying \u201cI\u2019ll Try\u201d = No Realistic Expectation of Success!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Photo by Dave Harrington<\/sup><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

“I’ll Try” Defined<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the picture above, do you think the wild rose in the ledge at Acadia National Park “tried” to grow in the ledge? Or did it just grow? There is a two-word sentence in the English language that should be banished: \u201cI\u2019ll try.\u201d When you say \u201dI\u2019ll try\u201d, what you are really saying is that you have no realistic expectation of success. If you expected to be successful, you would have developed a plan and implemented it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saying \u201cI\u2019ll try\u201d is really a lie you tell someone else to make them feel better. Or to get someone else to leave you alone and stop \u201charassing\u201d you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or maybe it is a game you play with yourself. A lie you tell yourself to make you feel better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Defense Mechanism<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To say \u201cI\u2019ll try\u201d is a defense mechanism. It is something you might say to protect yourself from emotional harm. \u201cI\u2019m going to try to _________.\u201d buys you some time before you have to do whatever it was you said you were going to do. For example, you tell your partner, \u201cI\u2019ll try to stop smoking cigarettes\u201d. If you had any real<\/span> intention of stopping your cigarette use, you would just do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saying \u201cI am going to ________ (fill in the blank)\u201d is very similar to \u201cI\u2019ll try.\u201d You are making a prediction, without a plan. If your plan was to cut back on the number of hours you are scrolling on your phone, you would develop a plan. You would set a date in the near future. And there would be action. You wouldn\u2019t keep talking about it, you would just do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Granted, it is important to have the intention<\/span> of doing something. Having the intention means you have given a concept some thought as to the importance of doing something. Perhaps you are spending less time than you would like with your partner and\/or your children because you are scrolling on your cell phone or chatting with \u201cfriends\u201d on social media.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem with saying \u201cI am going to ________ \u201d or \u201cI\u2019ll try to \u201d ________ is that there is more emphasis put on the prediction than the reality<\/span>. Without an intent there could be no action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Illusion of Work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The illusion of work is giving the illusion of action. It is the \u201cbusy work\u201d associated with accomplishing a goal. It makes others, and maybe even you, think you are moving toward a goal. Examples of the illusion of work would be:<\/p>\n\n\n\n