{"id":3776,"date":"2023-08-01T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-01T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/1\/?p=3776"},"modified":"2023-11-07T10:08:41","modified_gmt":"2023-11-07T16:08:41","slug":"relationship-shifts-identify-its-over","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/relationshipsrelearned.com\/staging\/9213\/relationship-shifts-identify-its-over\/","title":{"rendered":"Subtle Relationship Shifts: How To Identify It Is Over"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Subtle<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
<\/div>\n\n\n\n

Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Not every relationship is successful; not every relationship will or should make it to \u201cthe finish line\u201d. And what is the finish line, anyway? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are obvious red flags that everyone recognizes as major problems in relationships, for example, infidelity, domestic abuse or an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping or pornography.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the relationships that don\u2019t \u201cgo the distance\u201d and don\u2019t end because of a red flag issue, there will likely be more subtle behaviors (relationship shift) that cause a relationship to dissolve. Some describe this as \u201cthe relationship just doesn\u2019t feel good\u201d or “I feel like something has changed in my relationship”. Only you know when a relationship is over. There may be no big event that causes a relationship to be over. More frequently it is when many \u201csmall\u201d, seemingly inconsequential events build upon each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not recognizing the subtle relationship shifts in a relationship, ends in a slide. Individuals within the relationship can then choose to work on the relationship or just end it. Delaying either working on or ending the relationship means you can never have happiness with someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Subtle Relationship Shifts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

1. Conflict<\/strong>
You may think a relationship with lots of conflict is heading toward extinction. Not necessarily. Sometimes arguing means there may still be some interest in getting the other person to understand a different point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

More alarming for a relationship is when you no longer argue at all. It means you may have gotten to a place as a couple where you don\u2019t even care enough about each other, or the relationship, to disagree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Absence<\/strong>
A healthy amount of space and alone time is important in most relationships. However, there are many different types of absences in a relationship that aren\u2019t healthy. For example, when one or both want to \u201ctake a break\u201d not only from each other, but from their family responsibilities as well. They may be beginning to fantasize the single life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There can also be the absences when a couple doesn\u2019t want to be in the same room as each other or when you leave the house when your significant other is on their way home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Intimacy<\/strong>
All couples have their own unique way of sharing intimacy. Intimacy can be anything from sexual intercourse to simply holding hands or getting up with the crying baby at 2 a.m. All couples go through cycles of sometimes more and sometimes less intimacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Problems arise when intimacy is used as a weapon within a relationship. For example, \u201cNo sex unless you add me to the title on the car.\u201d Another example is when one person demonstrates a significant disinterest in intimacy and refuses to talk about their disinterest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Sharing<\/strong>
In healthy relationships, when there is good news, \u201cI just got a promotion!\u201d, or bad news \u201cI was just laid off!\u201d, you will seek out your significant other. You want their support in good times and in bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But in other relationships it may never occur to you to share good or bad news, or anything else with your significant other. This is something you do with other family or friends. This is one of those slow-moving examples of disconnection and withdrawal in the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Life Goals<\/strong>
Some relationships can appear to be great except for shared goals. You may be compatible educationally, financially and sexually, but if one person wants children and the other person doesn\u2019t, problems are sure to arise. There are things that can be compromised on, for example, what vehicle to purchase, but having or not having children isn\u2019t negotiable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you figure this out, sometimes it is just easier for both to end the relationship. Why make the other person miserable when you know you will not change your mind on a serious issue?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. It is Over<\/strong>
If one or both of you has starting thinking, \u201cWhat would it be like if I wasn\u2019t in this relationship?\u201d, the relationship is sliding away. This thought will take on a life form of its own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every time you start fantasizing about a different life, the relationship part of your brain dies. This isn\u2019t one or two times of just saying, \u201cI am done\u201d, it is detesting the idea of negotiation or compromise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Sabotage<\/strong>
You want out of the relationship. As far as you are concerned the relationship is dead with no hope of being put on life support. You just want OUT. However, you don\u2019t want to be seen as a \u201cbad person\u201d, the one who initiates the separation or divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, you begin creating unpleasant situations that will force the other person into being the \u201cbad guy\u201d, the one who says the relationship is over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Rationalization<\/strong>
There are many reasons people choose to stay in an unhealthy relationship, for example, financial, children, the house, etc. This is especially true if you are so caught up with day-to-day life that you don\u2019t even notice \u201cthe problem\u201d until it is too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, you may only be staying in the relationship because of the fear of dating again, or the fear of being alone. Perhaps you have heard the phrase, \u201cbetter the devil you know.\u201d That is not a reason to stay!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. Laughter<\/strong>
In the beginning of a relationship, there are oh so many things that the other person did that was cute and endearing. Somehow, your significant other could always cheer you up with their ridiculously bad jokes. But somewhere along the way, those cute little behaviors aren\u2019t cute anymore. As a matter of fact, they are now annoying and irritating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may get to the point where everything seems like a \u201cjoke\u201d and nothing gets taken seriously anymore. Making it worse? Their favorite saying is, \u201cCan\u2019t you take a joke?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10. Seeking Help<\/strong>
This is very similar to the topic of having different goals. If one or both of you are clear there is a problem in the relationship, but only one person wants to go for counseling, couples counseling is unlikely to be successful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not only does that represent a fundamental impasse in perspectives about how and whether the relationship can be saved, but it also means that there is not joint motivation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take Away Point<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Identify these \u201cunder the radar\u201d subtle relationship shift signs of problems in a relationship, and you might have a chance of salvaging your relationship. Two or more of these subtle situations, and you have a serious problem on your hands! Remember, if a relationship is failing, it requires two, not one, to work on it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With warmest regards,
\"Kathryn-End<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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