People who do not verbally express their thoughts, feelings or opinions are frequently called “passive”. Though they may not be verbose in expressing their sentiments, it does NOT mean they do not hold strong feelings. For a variety of reasons, passive communicators have chosen to keep their thoughts to themselves. Some of those reasons include:
- avoiding a confrontation
- deferring to others
- feeling unsure of themselves
- going with the flow
Another reason someone may be a passive communicator is that they have been or currently are a victim of domestic abuse. Keeping their thoughts and feelings to themselves can be a form of self-preservation. This same thinking can result from being raised in a home where there has been alcohol or drug abuse. Self-preservation.
The phrase passive communicators usually refers to a single individual. However, the phrase can also be used to describe groups within society. The increase in call-out culture and cancel culture by a few zealous individuals has increased the number of passive communicators. Those people do not want to be labeled as racist or sexist.
Behavior of Individual Passive Communicators
Because passive communicators avoid conflict, they frequently come across as indifferent. When speaking, passive communicators tend to display insecure nonverbal cues, for example, not making eye contact, slouching their shoulders, or shrugging when people ask them for input. G2.com 4 Types of Communication Styles
The passive communicator may seem to be unsure, timid, wishy-washy, tentative and weak. This presentation can lead to exploitation, pity, being taken advantage of and not being taken seriously. Because passive communicators typically do not respond directly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations, they may allow differences, grievances and annoyances to mount.
People who are passive communicators may seem like they lack outward communication skills. This can lead to misunderstandings, resentment and an anger build-up for both the passive communicator and their receiver. This usually results in a lose-lose. See my blog: Conflict and 4 Simple Resolutions You Should Know
However, once passive communicators have reached their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts. For the receiver, these outbursts seem out of proportion to the triggering incident. The receiver isn’t aware the passive communicator has been stuffing their feelings for hours, days, weeks or maybe even years! Counselling Services in France: Tell The Difference Between Assertive, Passive and Aggressive Behaviour
Passive communicators often feel uncomfortable advocating for themselves or their needs. As a result, passive communicators tend to have difficult relationships with others. On the surface, because there are few arguments and little conflict, it may seem like a relationship with a passive communicator may be great.
However, the reality is that passive communicators hide a great deal. They hide from others how they think and how they feel. In reality, the passive communicator may feel anxious because life seems to be out of their control, and depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless. They can have very difficult relationships with others because they can feel resentful when they feel their needs are not being met. University of Kentucky: The Four Basic Styles of Communication
Examples of Passive Statements
- “It doesn’t matter that much.”
- “I just want everyone to get along.”
- “It’s no big deal.”
- “I’m not super worried about it.”
- “I just want to keep the peace.”
A Cultural Shift to More Passive Communicators in Society
Two terms have become part of the public vernacular:
- “call-out culture”
- “cancel culture”.
Call-out culture is about restorative justice. It is a process that includes education, healing and self-awareness. The intent is to build relationships, communities and society back up. The premise is that harm that has been done can’t be undone, but moving forward is possible. StudyBreaks.com: Cancel Culture And Call Out Culture Are Not The Same By Emma T., UC Berkeley July 27, 2020
Dictionary.com defines “calling out” as a way of addressing socially problematic language and behavior, especially online. Dictionary.com: Is There A Difference Between “Calling In” And “Calling Out”?
In a recent example of call-out culture, ABC News suspended “The View” host Whoopi Goldberg for two weeks for having falsely declared on The View that the Holocaust was “not about race.” In a statement by ABC News president Kim Godwin, Godwin wrote, “While Whoopi has apologized, I’ve asked her to take time to reflect and learn about the impact of her comments,” CNN.com – By Oliver Darcy February 2, 2022: ABC News suspends ‘The View’ host Whoopi Goldberg
Cancel culture can be ruthless. The intent of people who participate in perpetuating cancel culture is to shut down an individual or a society from expressing a differing viewpoint. It is a way of publicly shaming others. There is no expectation of restorative justice. People who are not passive to cancel culture are seen as the enemy and people who defend themselves are considered aggressive. StudyBreaks.com: Cancel Culture And Call Out Culture Are Not The Same By Emma T., UC Berkeley July 27, 2020
Dictionary.com defines cancel culture as the popular practice of withdrawing support for (canceling) public figures and companies after they have done or said something considered objectionable or offensive. Dictionary.com: Pop-Culture Dictionary July 31, 2020 – Cancel Culture
In a 2018 example of cancel culture, ABC abruptly canceled the TV sitcom “Roseanne” hours after Ms. Barr, the show’s star and co-creator, posted a racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett, an African-American woman who was a senior adviser to Barack Obama throughout his presidency. In announcing the show’s cancellation, ABC’s entertainment president, Channing Dungey, said in a statement that “Roseanne’s Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values.” New York Times: After Racist Tweet, Roseanne Barr’s Show Is Canceled by ABC By John Koblin May 29, 2018
While cancel culture has created passivity in some parts of the population, it has also had some positive impact as well. It has allowed people who have been victimized to seek accountability and given a voice to the disenfranchised. ProCon.org: Cancel Culture – Top 3 Pros and Cons 1/20/2022 no author
Examples of Passive Communicators in Society
There was a collective shock after the 2016 elections when Donald Trump won the presidency. The 24 hours news cycle reporters and perhaps Hilary Clinton herself were surprised by the number of votes cast for Trump. Many Team Trump supporters withheld expressing their opinions publicly for fear of being “cancelled”. If you were not on Team Hilary, you must be a sexist.
Black Lives Matter (BLM) is an international social movement formed in the United States in 2013 and dedicated to fighting racism and anti-Black violence, especially in the form of police brutality.
Black Lives Matter By The Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica
The Black Lives Matters (AKA “BLM”) movement can also be considered part of cancel culture. There has been a significant amount of pressure brought by BLM that if you do not agree and support what BLM stands for, you must be a racist. You cannot say “blue lives matter” or “all lives matter” without being branded a racist.
While there are many examples of cancel culture in the media in which people have been silenced, there are also examples of predators who have deliberately silenced victims in a sinister manner and have made the life of their victims a living hell. One example of this is Harvey Weinstein.
In March 2020 Weinstein was sentenced to 23 years in prison for rape and sexual abuse. It is reported that for decades he used his power and influence to allegedly sexually assaulted dozens of young women, intimidating them into silence and destroying careers of many young actresses. NPR.org: Harvey Weinstein Sentenced To 23 Years In Prison For Rape And Sexual Abuse March 11, 2020 by Colin Dwyer
Take-away Point
People who are passive communicators don’t share their thoughts or feelings and avoid conflict at all costs. Call-out and cancel culture have encouraged a society of individuals who are passive communicators for fear of retribution.
From The Author: To give you a perfect example of how cancel culture can affect conversations, I actually questioned including the Clinton-Trump example and BLM example. My goal for writing blogs and books is to encourage thinking and self-reflection. These two examples have resulted in many people being cancelled. I didn’t want to be one of them but felt I needed to have the courage to speak my thoughts.
Before someone cancels our friend status on social media or cancels our connection on LinkedIn, I would hope we could have an open and honest dialogue.
Quotes about being passive:
“Those who are repeatedly passive in the face of injustice soon find their character corroded.”
Julian Assange (1971- )
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919)
The above passive quotes were from: Azquotes.com
With warmest regards,
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