This Happened to Me
A recent social media post intrigued me. A woman put a situation out into the social media abyss. She had never been camping before, but was thinking of buying a recreational vehicle (RV) and traveling solo. She had some doubts about her ability to handle all of the things she would encounter.
I should have known better than to get involved with anything on social media. But the topic was something I had a little knowledge about (see my website www.RVingNomads.com), so I responded.
In addition to some reassurance that yes, a solo woman is very capable of doing everything necessary to have a wonderful time camping, I suggested since she had never been camping before perhaps she could rent an RV for a week. This way, before spending thousands of dollars to buy an RV, she could find out if she didn’t like camping or that camping was more effort than reward for her.
Many others responded, giving her encouragement and support. That should have been the end to it. But of course, on social media “it” is never over.
A man I will call “Mark” also responded. Interestingly, he did not respond to the woman asking the question. He responded to MY response with HIS interpretation of what the woman was really asking and what problems she, as a woman, might encounter as a newbie to camping. He then went on to chastise me on how financially out of touch I must be to suggest she spend money on renting when that money would be better put toward actually buying an RV.
My response to Mark? “As a new person to this page I was hoping to meet positive, excited, upbeat people sharing their camping experiences. I do not appreciate having someone mansplaining to me about the concerns a woman might have RVing as a newbie nor how long it takes for someone to save $1,000.”
Was I being “too sensitive” or “too harsh” in my response to “Mark”? Perhaps.
Or perhaps it was rude and inappropriate of “Mark” to mansplain to a woman what a woman might experience camping.
Definition of Mansplaining
The Oxford English Dictionary added “mansplain” as a new word in January 2018. Mansplaining is defined this way: (of a man) to explain something to a woman in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner, typically to a woman already knowledgeable about the topic.
Obvious and Overt Examples of Mansplaining
Mansplaining can be both subtle and covert making it sometimes difficult to identify or it can be so obvious and overt it can be to the point of being humorous or absurd! The following examples might be in the latter category of absurdity:
- A man explaining to Amelia Earhart about flight
- A man explaining to Serena Williams about tennis
- A man explaining to Jane Goodall about chimpanzees
- A man explaining to Oprah Winfrey about how to be a talk show host
- A man explaining to Beyonce how to sing and dance
- A man explaining to Hilary Clinton about politics
Subtle and Covert Examples of Mansplaining
More often, mansplaining is subtle and covert. Mansplaining frequently leaves a woman annoyed and frustrated by why a man would feel the need to explain something the was already known and understood. There is no part of mansplaining that is relationship enhancing.
In addition to using a condescending tone of voice, or rolling his eyes when a woman is speaking, examples of mansplaining might include:
- The man who jumps in to “fix” a situation because of his great competence, for example, “Here, let me do that. I can do that better/faster.”
- The man who explains how he would do something, as if it is the only way to do something, for example, “Well, if that was happening to me, this is how I would take care of the situation.”
- The man who doesn’t ask for feedback, but is the master of the obvious, for example, “We should buy this new SUV for the family because we need more for space for the kids.”
- The man who states the obvious as if she is totally clueless to her surroundings, for example, “Oh great, there is a parking space right in front of the store.”
- The man at work who dismisses suggestions from woman, suggesting his method is the superior one, for example, “The best way of doing this project is….”
- The man who uses sweeping generalities, as if to sway with his “common sense”, for example, “Everyone knows you put tomato sauce in meatloaf to make it moist.”
The Impact of Mansplaining
Mansplaining can create annoyance, frustration and self-doubt for the receiver. It also can shut down discussion. In the “Mark” example, it was clear he intended for his remarks to be seen as “the truth”, the only logical response, a way of ending any further input.
It is very easy to take mansplaining personally. But mansplaining is not a reflection on the receiver, so much as it is a reflection of the arrogance and condescending nature of the sender.
Is it Mansplaining?
There is a very simple formula to identify mansplaining. A man is probably mansplaining if he explains something to a woman:
- who already has expertise in that area or field
- in a different way than he would explain to a man
- that he wouldn’t consider explaining to another man
If a woman has asked a man to explain something to her, and he does, it is not mansplaining.
Responses to Mansplaining
Reacting or responding to a mansplainer can feel like a futile activity. It is unlikely the response from the mansplainer will have anything to do with recognizing the fact mansplaining has occurred. Most likely their response will be, “What are you talking about?” or “Why do you have to be so sensitive?”
It doesn’t mean a woman shouldn’t address the mansplaining. Just be prepared for the inevitable turn-around.
Other resources for combating mansplaining can be found in the following blogs:
Take-away Point
Communication can be difficult. If you are being mansplained, don’t take it personally. Make the conscious decision on if or how you will respond.
Quotes On Mansplaining
Most of philosophy is institutionalized mansplaining.
Deanna Havas
Only small men parade their learning, talk over their audience and air their superior knowledge.
John Myer
Both quotes are from the same source. QuotesSayings.net
With warmest regards,
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