Being called a bitch has always felt like a badge of honor to me. No one has ever called me that name when they felt like they were in a winning position, on top, in control. No, I only have been called bitch when I stepped in someone’s comfort zone of how a woman is supposed to behave.

Two of my favorite examples of when I am called bitch are:

• Walking down the street or in a grocery store when either a man or I will have to make space for the other. When I do not make myself smaller by moving out of his way, he calls me a bitch.
• A difference of opinion with a man. It doesn’t have to include raised voices or my trying to convince him of my opinion. It only occurs when I do not agree with his position.

Since September 1, 2020 I have posted more than one hundred mental health blogs. The blog that still receives the most views and comments was first published on June 6, 2023. It was titled Being Called Bitch can be Empowering.

Why this blog has resonated with so many has been fascinating to me.

Defining the World Bitch

Urban Dictionary defines bitch as “someone who whines excessively,” “an annoying and whining female,” “a woman with a bad attitude.” What even does this mean? “Bitch” has come to mean not fitting the mold that women are supposed to fit. It is aimed at women who behave in “male” ways, women who are too ambitious or aggressive, women who are not as nice or as quiet as some people would like them to be.

We don’t expect men to be polite. We don’t expect them to be self-deprecating or meek, either. However, women are punished for their “annoying behavior.” Or are we punishing her because she’s annoying and female?

What Is the Point?

The point of calling a woman bitch is to humiliate demean, and undermine her. To put her “in her place.” It is generally aimed at women who are too ambitious, or women who are not a quiet, meek and passive as some men would like them to be.

As a woman, if you have made it to adulthood and are still being called a bitch then are probably doing something right, you have figured out how to stand up to others.

As a woman:

• if you’re asserting your thoughts, you are likely to be called “opinionated”
• if you are expressing your emotions, you can expect to be called “crazy”
• if you are a confident woman, you will probably be called a “bitch”

On the contrary, as a man:

• if you’re asserting your thoughts, you are likely to be called a “leader”
• if you are expressing your emotions, you are “in touch with your feelings”
• if you are a confident man, you will probably just be called a “man”

Once you start asking yourself how often you’ve heard a man being called a bitch in a serious way, you’ll start to realize that bitch is just a gendered word for strong.

Embrace it. Perhaps a way of thinking about being called a bitch is:

Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself

When someone calls you a bitch, what they could actually mean is “I’m intimidated by the fact that you know what you want.”

Do Women Call Each Other Bitch, Too?

Of course. It isn’t just a word used by men toward women.

Not that it is “okay” or respectful, but sometimes for a woman to call another woman a bitch slang, it is almost a term of endearment.

Sometimes it is used by one snarky woman to another woman. Men do not have a corner on being disrespectful. Sadly, women can want to put down and humiliate other women, too.

Damsel in Distress

People, men, frequently assume that women are less competent than men across the board. If you are incompetent, people will likely go easy on you since you fit the damsel in distress stereotype. Rather than call you a bitch, they will actually want to help you. When a woman is struggling, people are socialized to swoop in and save her, as opposed to berate her.

If you are a woman and are incompetent or are doing a bad job, people won’t be calling you a bitch, they will be more likely be trying to rescue you.

So, if you’ve been called a bitch, good for you. It may just mean you have disregarded a stereotypical way of behaving because it’s not who you are. You are someone who isn’t going to bend to fit a gender stereotype. You are just being you. Congratulations.

What If You Are Actually Just An Arrogant, Overbearing Bitch?

Of course, it is also possible that you are a woman who doesn’t care about anyone else’s feelings. You are arrogant. Abrasive. Rude. Annoying. Maybe you need to sit down and think about who you have become.

If for no obvious reason you are shouting at your significant other, storming out of meetings, creating drama or making unreasonable personal attacks on people, then you may want to re-evaluate your life.

However, if you’re dealing with situations in a calm manner, and not intentionally making anyone else feel intimidated or threatened, then you probably are just being assertive.

Celebrate being called a bitch for what it really means most of the time – simply being an assertive, strong woman.

Responses to Being Called a Bitch

The choice of how to think about being called bitch is a clue as to the other person’s perceived imbalance of power and control. It can be their way of elevating themselves so they can feel better about their own life.

• Be offended and take it personally; go silent.
• Use sarcasm or your sense of humor to make light of it.
• Verbalize the word offends you, and in a civil tone ask for a calmer discussion.
• Advocate for yourself; stand up firmly for yourself; set a boundary.
• Ignore it and let it go; let it “slide off your back.”

Summary

Only insecure people will use the derogatory term of bitch. Understanding why someone calls you bitch may be interesting, but it doesn’t change the fact of how they think about you and think about themselves.

The only control you have is how you respond to being called a bitch. And there are many! You always have choices. It is always best to think in advance about how you will respond if someone calls you a sexually derogatory name.

The original blog Being Called Bitch Can Be Empowering is still available for review.

With warmest regards,

Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
RelationshipsRelearned.com
RVingNomads.com

In addition to blogs and articles, I have written a series of self-help books called The Personal Empowerment Series and a fictional series named The Charlotte Novella Series. To view my books and novellas I have written, please go to my Amazon Authors Page.

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If you live in the State of Maine or Texas and seeking individual therapy, please go to my Concierge Therapy website: KathrynMaietta.com

Kathryn Maietta, MSW, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker / Author and Blogger

I am a licensed clinical social worker in Maine and in Texas. The focus of my practice has been working individually with adult men and women and working with couples. I received my BSW from Baylor University and my MSW from Boston University. Since 2020 I have published a series of self-help books and written a bi-weekly mental health blog.

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Anger Management Domestic Abuse/Violence Relationships Stress and Anxiety Communication Resilience