Feelings –
Feelings are a reaction to stimuli. Feelings can be physically felt, for example, heart palpitations and a flushed face. Feelings tend to be abstract in nature. Not everyone has the same reaction (feelings) to stimuli. One person may be exhilarated by a roller coaster while it may terrify someone else.
5 Useful Facts
The following are some basic facts about feelings. Understanding these facts can be the first step in learning to regulate your feelings.
- Feelings involve a total body reaction.
When you experience a feeling, you tend to “feel it all over” and experience bodily reactions such as increased heart rate, respiration, perspiration, and even shaking or trembling. There are actual biochemical reactions to mental and emotional stimuli. These biochemical reactions occur not only in the brain, but simultaneously in virtually every system of your body. This is why when you are embarrassed your face turns red or flushed.
Experience Life.com article – Emotional Biochemistry
Example: You are getting ready to give a speech in front of your colleagues. You feel anxious and excited and maybe just a little scared. As you are preparing to speak it feels like your throat is closing, your heart is racing, and you can feel droplets of sweat starting to form on your temples. These are all the physiological effects of your excitement.
- Feelings are NOT “right” or “wrong”.
The perceptions or judgments you make about your feelings may lead to thinking your feelings are right or wrong. Usually someone will start discussing how they “shouldn’t” feel something. An example is when someone passes away, loved ones can actually feel anger at the departed, but usually they shouldn’t feel that way.
Without realizing it, adults often try to control the feelings of young people. You may say to a child, “Don’t worry about it,” “You shouldn’t be sad” and “Cheer up!” You may feel uncomfortable seeing young people struggle or feel hurt and try to fix it by talking them out of the unpleasant feeling.
See Michigan State University (MSU Extension) article – Feelings are not wrong, they just are
Example: Your daughter has been dating someone for most of her senior year. Over the summer between high school and college they decide to break up because they will both be going to colleges hundreds of miles apart. Even though it was an agreed upon decision she is very sad. People dismissively tell her “Cheer up!” and “Get over it, you will find someone new!
- Feelings can be simple or complex.
Simple feelings tend to be short lived and are more reactive. You are more likely to tell what someone is feeling if it is a simple feeling. Simple feelings, which include sadness, anger, fear, disgust, contempt, joy, and surprise, are so-called because they are associated with universally recognizable facial expressions. For example, in disgust you see a raised upper lip, or a wrinkled nose bridge.
Complex feelings can last for a long time and are more tied to thought processes. Complex emotions, such as grief, regret, and jealousy, have highly variable appearances and compositions. It is much more difficult to tell when someone is feeling a complex feeling.
Psychology Today article – Basic and Complex Emotions
Example of Simple Feelings: You are sitting in the car at a convenience store while your significant other runs into the store to pick up a snack. A person in another vehicle accidently backs into your car. You jump out of the car and yell at the driver, “How could you be so blind?” Your anger is instantaneous and very obvious from your facial expressions and tone of voice.
Example of Complex Feelings: You dwell in the “what ifs” or regrets of life. “What if I had gone to college?” “What would have happened if instead of quitting I had told my supervisor about my co-worker bullying me?” It is unlikely anyone would have known these were your thought processes.
- Feelings often come in mixtures rather than in pure form.
There are four variations of pure emotions: happiness, sadness, fear and anger. These emotions are associated with three core affects: reward (happiness), punishment (sadness), and stress (fear or anger). Frontiers in Phycology – A Model for Basic Emotions Using Observations of Behavior in Drosophila
More often, you will feel two, three or more feelings at the same time, for example, when you feel threatened it is common to feel fear and anger at the same time.
Example of Mixtures of Feelings: You are waiting in line at Magic Mountain. You feel anticipation and excitement along with fear and anxiety.
Example of Pure Feelings: You are driving on an icy road, and you lose control of your car. You feel fear.
- Feelings are often “contagious”.
If you are physically and/or emotionally close to someone who is crying, you may feel sad, or even cry yourself. Or you may pick up on another’s excitement or enthusiasm.
Other people’s moods may be as easy to catch as their germs! You can be infected with someone’s happiness — or sadness. This phenomenon is called emotional contagion (EC), in which one person’s feelings and emotions transfer to another.
Edward-Elmhurst Health – How emotions, like colds are contagious
Example: Warren Buffett has been quoted as saying, “If you want to soar like an eagle in life, you can’t be flocking with the turkeys.” Wise Sayings – Eagle Sayings and Quotes. This is just as true about feelings. If you surround yourself with people who are negative, frustrated, miserable and unhappy (think election results in 2016 or 2020), you, too, will feel miserable.
Congratulations! You are now more knowledgeable about the different types of feelings, for example mixed and pure. You have also learned that when you are having a physiological response to pay special attention to your accompanying feeling. You have also learned to be careful about those you surround yourself with, because their feelings can be contagious!
Understanding these facts can be the first step in learning to regulate your feelings. Learning a few key steps in regulating your feelings will be in following blogs. Stay tuned!
Related blogs you may be interested in: Learn How to Establish Personal Boundaries; Learn How to Handle Destructive Criticism
Some Quotes about Feelings:
“Respect other people’s feelings. It might mean nothing to you, but it could mean everything to them.”
Roy T. Bennett (1939-2014)
“Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?”
Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), Anna Karenina
“Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all; and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question.”
Willard Scott (1934- )
With warmest regards,
To be notified of new posts like Do You Know 5 Useful Facts About Feelings?, please enter your email address and click on the Subscribe button.
