-ED Vs. -ING
The English language is fascinating. Words that mean very different things are often used interchangeably, for example, rationalization and justification or jealousy and envy.
Not only are words interesting, the word endings can be fascinating as well. The endings of words can change the meaning completely! Think about the vast difference between:
- I was amazed vs. I am amazing.
- I was interested vs. I am interesting.
- I was disgusted vs. I am disgusting.
Those 6 statements use the same root word: amaze, interested, and disgust. However, the endings, -ed and -ing, change the root words completely. Saying you were amazed by someone or something is very different from you taking credit for being amazing.
Why is this grammar lesson important? If your speech includes mostly -eds, you are probably living in the past. If your speech includes mostly -ings, you are probably focusing on the present.
-ed
-ed is used to reference what has happened in the past, something that has been completed, the outcome. For example, “I was tired” or “I was bored.”
The past can remind you of what has happened to make you the person you are today. In the first sentence of this section, notice the -ed at the end of the word “happened”. It happened. It is in the past.
There are three ways to think about the importance of the past:
- One way is to ruminate or dwell on the “what ifs” or the “should haves” from the past.
- A second way is to totally avoid any thoughts of the past, as if not talking or thinking about it will make every bad thing from the past go away.
- A third way is not dwell on past accomplishments. Yes, you were great at sports in high school, but what does that matter in the future?
You can focus less on the past by learning how to let go of the past. No one is asking you to forget the past, but to forgive. Forgiveness might be toward yourself, “You did the best you could do!” It can also be forgiveness of what someone else did to you intentionally or unintentionally.
What happened to you in the past was in all likelihood not your fault. But allowing it to impact you today is of your own choosing. Choose to forgive and move along.
Albert Einstein is credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” That is also true of using skills from the past and expecting them to work today. If they had worked, you would not still be using so many -ed words!
-ing
-ing at the end of a root word is most commonly used to describe things, people, places, activities that occur in the present. -ing emphasizes the process of what you are doing today.
Using -ing enables you to engage actively, be mindful, and most importantly, to appreciate and celebrate the good things happening all around you. Today.
When you are preoccupied with the past, it is difficult to move forward in your emotional and spiritual growth. Removing items associated with memories frees you and allows you to stop living in the past. Once the past no longer has power, you can begin to live in the moment.
Soak in as many experiences as you can that stimulate your five senses as you live life today. As a reminder, your five senses are: sight, sound, taste, touch and hearing.
Spend some time in the present. Remember, in the future, you will be cherishing the memories of today.
If you can only live one moment at a time, you might as well make it the present.
Relationships Relearned: Learn. Unlearn. Relearn
To be in a healthy, successful relationship, what you learned in childhood about relationships may need to be unlearned and relearned in a different way as an adult. These are all -ed concepts.
As a young child you probably lived for the moment. You played, you went to school, you had friends and everything was in the moment.
If you are like many people, somewhere along the way you learned (-ed) to hold onto frustrations, struggles and resentments. Perhaps when you were younger your brother always wanted to tag along with you and your friends, but you thought he was too young and such a bother! A parent might have told you, “Stop picking on your younger brother, he just wants to be around you.” You learned to stuff your feelings, but not let go of them. Today as an adult, you still don’t get along.
If you maintain that same mindset in a relationship with a significant other, you are likely to start building (-ing) a brick wall of resentments. A brick wall your significant other may not even know exists. You may remember the times your partner forgot to take out the trash, or when s/he forgot your birthday. These become bricks in the wall.
This “skill” you learned in childhood must be unlearned and relearned in a different way. Instead of focusing on what your significant other didn’t do in the past, focus on what s/he is doing today. Put less focus and emphasis on the -ed of your life (the past) and more into the -ing of your life (the present). You might be amazed at how good your life could be.
Summary
Start paying attention to your speech. Are more of your words ones that end in -ed or in -ing? It really matters. Living in the past can be self-destructive and can be destructive to any relationships you have with others.
With warmest regards,
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