Welcome to my blog – 15 Tips on Being Graceful in Winning
In the coming week there will be another presidential election just as there is every four years. After the last presidential election there were some very gleeful people and some very unhappy people. Just as there were in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2004 and, well you get the idea. There are always people who are happy their candidate won, and people who are unhappy their candidate lost.
The concept is the same if you are talking about the Super Bowl, the Stanley Cup or the World Series.
If you have been passionate about your candidate or team and are on the winning side, it feels great! It feels like there is an abundance of sunshine, rainbows and unicorns in the world! You feel happy or maybe even giddy! You feel light as air, that life is grand! Optimism abounds.
If you have been passionate about your candidate or team and are on the losing, side it feels horrible. Gloom and doom, abound and it feels as if the world could come crashing in. You feel devastated and angry or maybe even to the apoplectic extreme. Your heart feels heavy and you feel like the world may come to an end.
And then there are people who are in the middle of these two extremes. There are people who don’t care about sports or politics. These are the people who say, “Who cares?” and truly mean it. And there are people who shrug their shoulders at the outcome and accept the situation as it is. People who say, “We will be back another time” or “There will be another presidential election in another 4 years.”
An example of being graceful in winning
The best lesson I ever learned about winning and losing gracefully was from my son’s middle school travel soccer team. His team was very good; they were state champions. One Saturday they played in a tournament at Maine Maritime Academy. The game was against an excellent out-of-state team.
To say the game was fierce and heated would be a gross understatement. By the intensity of the play you could tell this win was important to both teams. To this day, I can’t remember which team won and which team was defeated.
What I can tell you is that after this incredibly intense, physical game, within 30 minutes all of the boys from both teams ended up in the pool laughing, joking and playing Marco Polo together. For them, when the game was over the competition was over. It was time to move along. We all should have that ability.
When differences affect relationships
People in relationships do not always agree on sports teams or politics. One person may vehemently support one political party and a partner, parent or friend may vehemently support the opposing political party. Two couples who have publicly exemplified opposing political viewpoints are:
• James Carville (Democrat) and Mary Matlin (Republican) during the Bill Clinton presidency
• Kelley Ann Conway (Republican) and George Conway (Democrat) during the Donald Trump presidency
Of course no one except the couples themselves knows what happens behind closed doors, but both couples have remained married through some fairly public disagreements over politics.
Good relationships are about communication, trust and respect. When a couple has different perspectives about politics or which sports teams each person follows, it is possible to live together in harmony. Two people can certainly disagree, it just is important to communicate in a respectful way. You always have the option of saying something in a respectful way or a disrespectful way. Your relationship with someone else can all be determined by two perspectives:
• What is more important to you, your ego and demanding someone agree with you about politics or a sports team, or your relationship with that person?
• Relationships are optional, meaning if there is poor communication, no trust and a lack of respect it may be time to end the relationship.
Winning gracefully is as important as losing gracefully.
Tips for winning gracefully
- Be humble.
There’s nothing more annoying than the gloating person whose team just won or their candidate was just elected. Don’t be “that person” who likes to rub a victory in the face of someone whose team just lost, or whose candidate was defeated. Help the blow hurt a little less by keeping your ego in check. - Choose your social media posts wisely.
There is free speech in this country. You can say anything you want on your social media, but keep in mind, just because you can post anything you want, it doesn’t mean you should. Winning graciously does not end once the competition is over. Keep that in mind when you are ready to hit “post”. - Enjoy victory, but never gloat.
There’s nothing wrong with “high fives” or a celebratory party after winning, especially after a spirited competition. But keep in mind there is a thin line between celebrating and gloating. And limit the trash talking around people whose team or candidate was defeated. - Practice empathy, or the feelings of the other side.
In most competitions, given a different set of circumstances, you and your team or candidate may be on the defeated side. You probably have had experiences with loss yourself. Showing some empathy for the defeated side shows your character. Graceful winners say, “Good game!” or “Congratulations!” - Focus on your feelings.
In winning there are always the primary feelings of excitement, pride, even jubilation. That is to be expected. However, at some point it might be good to look and see if there are any secondary feelings, for example, spite, revenge or dominance. These are not very sportsmanship-like, nor a “good look” for you! - Read the room.
Graceful winners are able to “read the room” and determine if it is okay after a win to dance around the room in jubilation or to save the celebration for another crowd, another time. Reading your audience will save relationships with friends and family. - Acknowledge the skills of the other side.
Yes, your candidate won the election, or your sports team just won the Stanley Cup. Hooray! Graceful winning is providing positive comments on the skills and abilities of the defeated team or politician. Winning is sweeter when there is no ill will after the competition is over. - Don’t offer unsolicited advice.
Some people who win want to give advice to the losing side so they can “do better” next time. Don’t. It will be perceived as pouring salt on a wound. Rarely will someone want your opinion immediately after the contest. If someone asks for advice, feel free to help them out. - Stay friends with your rivals.
You don’t have to be best friends with a rival, but maintaining civility shows character. Remember we are talking about a competition, one that will play out again next week, next year or in four years. Bonds or relationships with others are always more important than the win. - Demonstrate how a winner behaves.
Demonstrate your character as a winner, not just your team or candidate winning. Taunting, boasting, belittling or even smack talking the defeated only show others how weak your character really is. Lack of empathy and compassion never portrays you as the true winner. - Focus on improvement, rather than the win.
Okay, so your candidate or team won. But why did they win? Is there something in the competition you can learn about life? Was the win because of being ruthless, tenacious or skilled? Perhaps you could value the entire experience, regardless of the results of the competition. - Role model how to be a winner.
It doesn’t matter who you are (parent, supervisor at work, coach) or where you are (home, work, sports field) others will be watching your response to “your side” winning. You have an opportunity to demonstrate to others how to maintain a positive reflective attitude, to demonstrate how to win and lose gracefully. - Pivot from the win.
There will always be the celebratory time, and rightly so. But at some point the other team or the other candidate will cease being a rival and will return to being “just” another team or “just” another politician. Pivoting allows you to return to a routine and normalcy after the win. - Distance yourself from defending the win.
After a hard fought battle on the field or at the polls there will be people who will not accept the win. There may even be accusations of cheating or favoritism. This is the point where you can take the high road, or the low road. What do you want your character to show? - Keep your win in perspective.
Baseball legend Tommy Lasorda (1927- ) has a wonderful quote about winning and losing: “No matter how good you are, you’re going to lose one-third of your games. No matter how bad you are you’re going to win one-third of your games. It’s the other third that makes the difference.”
To preserve the peace
This blog is for the people whose team wins the big game, or whose candidate is elected. To preserve the peace, these are the people who must be graceful in their win. This blog gives 15 tips on how to win gracefully.
The blog next Tuesday will be for all the people whose team loses the big game or whose candidate lost. To preserve the peace, these are the people who must be graceful in their defeat. This blog gives 15 tips on how to lose gracefully.
For more information, please see 11/03/20 blog 15 Tips on Being Graceful in Defeat
Quotes on winning and losing
“How you play shows some of your character. How you win or lose shows all of it.”
~Bart Starr (1934-2019)
“I’ll do whatever it takes to win games, whether it’s sitting on a bench waving a towel, handing a cup of water to a teammate, or hitting the game-winning shot.”
~Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)
“When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.”
~Paul Brown (1908-1991)
With warmest regards,
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