Comments from Kathryn, the author of this blog and a licensed clinical social worker: So many of the clients I have worked with over the years have focused more on their loses than their wins, internalized negative criticism vs. basking in positive feedback, or spent more time dwelling on losing $20 than being excited about finding a surprise $20 bill in their jacket pocket.
Even in the nineteenth century, Charles Darwin (1809-1882) said, “Everyone feels blame more acutely than praise.”
The negative or the blame is felt more acutely than the positive or the praise.
The Accumulation of Possessions
Somewhere in evolution, people decided they needed to keep everything, just in case they might need it someday.
What this really means is that your “stuff” will always accumulate to fit your space. If you have a 600 square foot house, you will accumulate enough “stuff” to fill it. Do you have a 4,000 square foot house? You will fill that, too! Are you one of those people who have a big house with a nice two-car garage, but you need to park your car in the driveway because your stuff has overflowed from the house into filling your garage?
The irony of this philosophy of accumulating “stuff” is that when you need a “thing” to complete a project, you may not be able to find it in your big pile of “stuff”! Then you have to go out and buy another “thing” to replace the “thing” you can’t find in all of your “stuff”.
Another irony is the more “stuff” you own, the more “stuff “you have to lose! There becomes an attachment or a vulnerability with those possessions that you have become attached to.
The more “stuff” you have, the more opportunities there are to lose what you have gained. This is the concept of loss aversion.
Loss Aversion and the Consumer
Have you ever been to a gas station and over the course of a week you see the price has gone up two cents per gallon? If you buy 15 gallons of gas this week, it will cost you 30 cents more this week than it did last week. Granted, 30 cents here, 30 cents there can add up.
Are you also the same person who is giddy when the price goes down two cents per gallon in a week? Does this mean you will drive more, take a vacation, drive across country? Or will you continue your regular buying routine?
Loss aversion is about fear. Fear of what you have lost. In the example about gas, losing 30 cents elicits much more of a reaction than prices staying the same or going down.
Loss Aversion and Downsizing
Loss aversion is an important aspect of everyday life. In general, people are resistant to change. The concept suggests that people have a tendency to stick with what they have unless there is a good reason to switch.
The idea of loss aversion also applies to the emotional pain of scaling back. For many, rightsizing or downsizing to a smaller home is psychologically painful. Rightsizing or downsizing focuses on the “stuff” you will no longer have the space for.
Why do you think there are so many storage facilities popping up across the country? People are downsizing their physical space but can’t bear to give up their “stuff”.
In downsizing, it is all about what you might lose, rather than about what you might gain. What you might gain is freedom from your “stuff” owning you.
What is the cure? Being aware of it might be helpful. If you are downsizing, look at each item and decide when you last used it. When did you last wear the article of clothing? Are you keeping it for sentimental reasons? If you sold, donated, or threw away the item, what is the chance you would want to go out and buy another one in the next year? Asking yourself these questions might help you decide what to do with your “stuff”.”
Loss Aversion and Ideas
Ideas are no different from the “stuff” you fill your home with. Once you take ownership of an ideology, for example, a political idea, do you tend to value it more than it is worth? Are you someone who hates to lose an argument? Do you hang onto a concept or idea long after someone has proven your idea to be bogus?
You run the risk of dismissing someone else’s ideas that might be better than yours.
Loss Aversion and Relationships
In relationships you may hang on longer than is healthy because you fear what you are losing. Maybe your significant other brings in 50% of the household income. Or your significant other does all the laundry or lawn mowing. Other than these activities, your significant other is emotionally distant, boring and deceitful. If this is your situation, do you stay or do you go? Your decision may be based on the length of time together.
According to the loss aversion philosophy, the longer you have been together, the harder it is to end the relationship, regardless of how unhappy you are. You don’t want to give up what you already have. It is the fear of loss, even if the relationship is an unhappy one.
Take Aways
With the philosophy of loss aversion, it is easier to focus on the negative, or what you may have lost rather than on what you have. It doesn’t matter if it is money, time, “stuff”, a relationship or an idea.
Loss aversion is about cutting your losses. It is about avoiding the slippery slope of letting your “stuff” (time, money, possessions, a relationship or an idea) control you. The longer you clutch onto what is making you miserable, the more intensely unhappy you will be. Let go of what you cannot change.
With warmest regards,
Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
https://relationshipsrelearned.com/my-blog/
https://rvingnomads.com/blog/
In addition to blogs and articles, I have written a series of self-help books. To view these books, please go to my Amazon Authors Page or go to the Self-Help Books tab at the top of this page.
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If you live in the State of Maine or Texas and seeking individual therapy, please go to my Concierge Therapy website: www.kathynmaietta.com
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