Learning Life Lessons
“It doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, there will always be a Hickey”. These were words of wisdom spoken to me by my father over 60 years ago. At the time, I didn’t understand what he meant. I do now, it was one of those life lessons. Dictionary.com – Life Lesson
Not only have I benefitted from the wisdom of those words, so have the people I have passed it along to: my children, my grandchildren and my clients throughout a 40+ year clinical social work career.
George Gilbert
George Gilbert was my Dad. He was a World War II Army veteran. He was the 3rd born of four children who grew up during the depression. He was both a quiet and a gregarious man who had more patience, determination and tolerance than most people I have ever met. He could find the good in anyone, even Leon T. Hickey.
The world lost a great human being when my Dad passed away.
Leon T. Hickey
Many decades ago, Leon T. Hickey and my Dad worked for the same company. They both had the title of manager in different departments at the same company.
From my memory, Leon T. Hickey was a pompous, self-important man who never just walked, he strutted. He always wore a button-down shirt, tie and tweed sports coat when none were necessary. I don’t remember the sound of his voice, but I remember the aloofness and insufferable arrogance that oozed from every pore of his being. When he introduced himself, it was always as Leon T. Hickey. Not Leon. Not Leon Hickey. Not Mr. Hickey. It was always Leon T. Hickey.
During school vacations I went into work with my Dad. He was a manager of a gas station and I got to help him pump gas, check oil in cars, change flat tires and patch inner tire tubes. It was a great childhood!
As a child, I remember Leon T. Hickey strutting into my Dad’s department and giving my Dad “suggestions” on how to run his department. My Dad never argued with Leon T. Hickey or told him to mind his own business. He would just say, “I’ll take it under advisement”, and do what he wanted to do.
When I asked my Dad one day, “Why don’t you just tell him to mind his own business?”, my Dad responded with, “It doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, there will always be a Hickey”. Huh? I didn’t understand. This was my first exposure to learning an important life lesson.
Examples in my life of the life lesson “There will always be a Hickey”
The following are three personal examples of “There will always be a Hickey” life lessons.
School
When I was in middle school, I played in the school band. We played at football and basketball games and put on concerts. Playing an instrument wasn’t seen as the “cool” thing to do. This one particular girl, L.S., would make negative and degrading comments about being in band. It didn’t stop me from being in band, but her comments hurt.
When I complained to my Dad and wanted some sympathy, he just said, “It doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, there will always be a Hickey”. L.S. was my Hickey! Once I could understand L.S. was my Hickey, I could stop putting effort into “fighting” my nemesis and put energy into attaining a contented life. And life was good.
Restaurant
My first paying job started on my 16th birthday. I was a cashier at a local fast-food restaurant. Jim, the manager, would put me on the register, then he would pull me and send me back to work the grill. Then to make fries. I would just get into a groove, and he would pull me again and send me somewhere else. It was so frustrating to a new employee!
When I complained to my Dad and wanted some sympathy, he just said, “It doesn’t matter where you go, or what you do, there will always be a Hickey”. Jim was my Hickey! Once I could understand Jim was my Hickey, I could stop putting effort into “fighting” my nemesis and put energy into attaining a contented life. And life was good.
Camping
Many of you know I live full-time in our motorhome and travel the country. Even on the road there are Hickeys! My husband and I are “Winter Texans”, meaning we spend 3 or 4 months in Texas during the winter. The weather is mild, and the food is phenomenal. This past winter we had the misfortune of being parked about 20’ from Ron and Violet. They are the kind of people who don’t care if their noise disturbs anyone around them. Perhaps you know the type of people we are talking about.
My Dad is no longer alive. However, fairly quickly I realized Ron/Violet were my Hickeys. Once I could understand Ron and Violet were my Hickeys, I could stop putting effort into “fighting” my nemesis and put energy into attaining a contented life. We moved across the park, and life was good.
What to do with this Information
There you have it, the life lesson There will always be a Hickey, no matter where you go, no matter what you do. What do you do with the information? Understanding this concept takes the power away from the Hickeys, the bullies, the bosses and the Ron/Violets of the world.
Yes, these people exist, and they will always exist.
And yes, it is unlikely their behavior will ever change. Introspection is difficult at best.
You have no control over what someone else says or does. What you can control is the impact these people have on you. Once you identify the Hickey who exists at work or home, you can withdraw your emotional energy from the situation. At that point you will have more emotional energy to focus on changing the things you can change.
This concept of “There will always be a Hickey”, a life lesson, has helped me in my personal and my professional life. And I am sure it can work for you as well.
Take Away Point
Who is your Hickey? There will always be one! Where are you going to place your emotional energy? On the Hickey you can do nothing about or the situation in which you have input?
With warmest regards,
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