So What is YOLO?

You Only Live Once.

There is no coincidence that YOLO is the topic for the last Relationship Relearned blog of 2022. Instead of looking to 2023 and making resolutions you are unlikely to keep, what about reviewing 2022 and looking at all you have accomplished? See my article on The Paradigm Shift.

If you only live once (YOLO), why not celebrate what you have accomplished as opposed to developing a list of resolutions only to beat yourself up over it by February? You know, when you have given up on your resolutions?

Praise yourself. Pat yourself on the back. Be proud of the things you have accomplished. It will encourage you to do better, to be better. Aren’t there enough opportunities in life where you have been criticized and demoralized? Do you really have to do it to yourself, too?

Assessing What You Accomplished in 2022

Respect
Respect is how you act toward yourself and how you interact with others. Are you chronically late? Are you laid back in your approach to life, or do you need a plan for where you are going and what you are doing? Do you refuse to compromise or are you willing to negotiate?

Examples of respecting yourself:

1. Be on time.
2. Plan ahead.
3. Meet deadlines; don’t procrastinate.
4. Prioritize what is important in life.
5. Work toward a zone of possible agreement.
6. Be willing to compromise, but not too much.

Were you usually on time in 2022? Were you able to make a plan to do something and you followed through? Did you meet a deadline? Have you figured out what is important to you? Did you negotiate with someone? Did you compromise, but not too much?

Praise yourself!

Pace
There are people who need to make lists to stay focused on a goal. There are other people who find a list increases their stress level. Then there are the people who make a “to do” list for someone else! This is frequently called a “honey do list”, meaning, “Honey, can you do this for me?”

Slowing down or stopping negative self-talk also becomes important when talking about stress. Your mind can get spinning, and it is hard to slow it down sometimes. Another concept in Pace is rumination, when you keep going over something, over and over and over again.

Examples of pacing yourself:

1. Make a 3 – 5 item “to do” list.
2. Throw away your “to do” list.
3. Stop multitasking!
4. Slow down.
5. Stop ruminating.
6. Be prepared for roadblocks.

In 2022 did you make a 3 – 5 item “to do” list? Did you throw away your “to do” list? Were you able to stop multitasking? Did you slow down and “smell the roses”? Was there a time you were able to stop ruminating about life’s problems? Were you prepared for roadblocks in life?

Praise yourself!

Simplify
Simplification is a value. Everything in your life takes up emotional energy and space. It could be mental space, physical space, or calendar space. You only have so much “space” in your life. Even though you may love it all, everything you own, everything you do, and everyone you spend time with costs you something. And when you have an abundance of “stuff”, it costs you a lot.

Some people find simplifying all aspects of their life gives them more time, space, and energy. And who doesn’t want more of all of that?

Examples of simplify:

1. Downsize:
2. Shrink the number of activities for you and your family.
3. Limit your wardrobe.
4. Practice one thing in, one thing out.
5. Hire help to do the tasks you don’t want to do.
6. Invest in a good file folder and shredder!

In 2022 did you downsize the number of things you possess or the size of your house? Did you shrink the number of obligations and activities for you and your family? Did you pare down the number of clothing items you have? Did you practice the one thing brought into the house, one thing thrown out practice? Did you hire someone to help you do the things you hate to do, like mow the lawn? Did you buy and use a shredder to get rid of old unneeded documents?

Praise yourself!

Finances
It doesn’t matter if you have 5 cents or $5 billion, money needs to be managed. Establishing a budget will make your financial decisions simpler. You will spend less time, effort, and energy thinking about money once you have done this. In a relationship, different values concerning the use or saving of money can make or break a relationship.

Examples of finances:

1. Determine for you the difference between a want and a need.
2. Eliminate your debt.
3. Request better prices for what you buy.
4. Instead of buying an AKC dog from a breeder, adopt.
5. Make gift giving simple.
6. Develop a 50/30/20 budget and stick to it.

In 2022 were you able to buy more of the things you need as opposed to the things you wanted? Were you able to eliminate any debt, for example, paying off a credit card? Were you assertive and did you ask for a better price on an item? Did you set a spending limit with family at Christmas and/or draw names? Did you utilize the 50/30/20 plan in budgeting? Spend 50% of your monthly income on living expenses (home, car, insurance), 30% on lifestyle (clothing, food, gas), and 20% should go to savings (rainy day fund)?

Praise yourself!

Communication
A study showed 91% of adults keep their smartphones within arms reach (Forbes: Fifty Essential Mobile Marketing Facts -11/12/2013). Many people have become addicted to their phones, having literal withdrawal symptoms if they lose their phone or it breaks. People set their phones to notify them whenever someone posts on social media, or when someone has left a text.

We are forgetting how to communicate and interact in person. Go to any restaurant in the country at any given time and you will see two people at the same table texting. To their financial detriment, restaurants have said that the time people spend at restaurants has increased due to people looking at their phones and not paying attention to the person they are with or even looking at the menu and ordering their meal. Poor cell phone etiquette has taken a great toll on relationships.

Examples of communication:

1. Make a decision about sharing phone codes.
2. Don’t text and drive.
3. Remember phones are recorders.
4. Respect phone-free zones.
5. Prioritize the person in front of you.
6. Don’t be a “fact checker”.

In 2022 did you make a decision about sharing phone codes with a significant other? Were there times when you did not text and drive? Was there a time when you did not send a text that may have been harmful to you or another? Were there times when you respected phone-free zones? Did you prioritize the person in front of you? Did you resist the urge to be a “fact checker”?

Praise yourself!

Take Away Point

Focus on what you have done to support yourself instead of what you have not accomplished or won’t accomplish. Want more ideas on how to take care of yourself and how to praise yourself? All of the examples in this blog are from my book Crush Your Stress: 302 Coping Skills to Managing Stress. It is available on Amazon.

And remember: YOLO!

With warmest regards,

Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
https://relationshipsrelearned.com
https://rvingnomads.com

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Kathryn Maietta, MSW, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker / Author and Blogger

For more than forty years I have been a licensed clinical social worker in Maine and recently became licensed in Texas. The focus of my practice has been working individually with adult men and women and working with couples. I received my BSW from Baylor University and my MSW from Boston University. Since 2020 I have published four self-help books and written a bi-weekly mental health blog.

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Anger Management Domestic Abuse/Violence Relationships Stress and Anxiety Communication Resilience