Many people struggle emotionally during the holiday season. This is because their inner experience is so different from the hype of the holidays. When expectations are high, a disrupted life can feel overwhelming. This will be the time of year to pay special attention to taking care of yourself: hydrate, eat sensibly, rest as much as possible, and maintain regular activity (exercise).

If you are someone who anticipates stress around the holidays, perhaps the following Holiday Bill of Rights might be helpful.

Handout Origin

I have used the following handout with clients for at least the last 30 or 35 years. I have no idea where I found it. On the handout there was a simple title, Holiday Bill of Rights. In the bottom corner, it said American Psychological Association. No date was listed anywhere.

An online search brought up a few variations of the following handout, but nothing identical. On some of the variations, credit was given to Bruce H. Conley (1992) and some were credited to Dorothy Cantor, Psy.D. (2004, former president of the APA).

Holiday Bill of Rights

1. You have the right to say TIME OUT, anytime you need to. A time out to blow off a little steam, step away from the holidays, have a “huddle” time and start over.
2. You have the right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS. When people ask, “How are you?”, you have a right to tell them how you REALLY feel, not just what they want to hear. You need to take care of yourself, be attuned to your feelings. By the way, you also have the right to smile and say you’re fine because telling them how you really feel isn’t worth your time – some people will never understand anyway.
3. You have the right to some “BAH HUMBUG” days. You don’t have to be “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” all the time. You are not a bad person just because you don’t feel like singing Christmas carols all day.
4. You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that says you must always do the holidays the same way. You can send 10 cards instead of 100 – or no cards at all. You can open presents at someone else’s house. You can do without a tree. You can have pizza instead of a turkey. Make up your own rules.
5. You have a right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Be at home, or with relatives, or with friends. Be in any city or state you choose. There’s no law that says you have to stay home.
6. You have the right to have some FUN. Don’t be afraid of what someone will say if they see you laughing and having a good time. Laughter is every bit as therapeutic as tears.
7. You have the right to change direction in MID-STREAM. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and be suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized. When that happens, it’s okay to change your mind.
8. You have the right to do things at DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or synagogue at a different time. Open presents at a different time. Serve your meal at a different time. Go to bed at a different time. You are not a slave to the holiday clock.
9. You have the right to REST, PEACE, and SOLITUDE. You don’t need to be busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray or meditate or recharge your spirit – it can do much more for you than eating another big meal.
10. You have the right to DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR. Just because you change things one year or try something different does not mean you have written it in stone. Next year you can always change it and do it in yet another new way.

Relationships Relearned: Learn. Unlearn. Relearn

To be in a healthy, successful relationship, what you learned in childhood about relationships may need to be unlearned and relearned in a different way as an adult.

In childhood, you may have learned how the holidays should be, or have always been. This is called “tradition”. Maybe you have ALWAYS gone to your grandmother’s for Christmas Eve. Maybe you have ALWAYS gone on a big family cruise for the holidays. Maybe your family tradition has always been to decorate your front yard with 10,000 Christmas lights. For you, this is the way things have always been done. You never questioned these traditions. These are behavioral choices you learned in childhood.

The good news about behavior is that it is all learned. Any behavior that has been learned can be unlearned and relearned in a different way.

Maybe this year you have a new significant other. Perhaps s/he is of a different faith and has none of the traditions you grew up with. You may not have to unlearn those traditions, but rather recognize they are traditions that can be modified and changed to fit a new situation.

By understanding your “holiday rights”, you can relearn these traditions and start new ones based on your life as an adult.

Additional Stress Management Ideas

If the holidays are overwhelming and you are in need of coping skills to manage your holiday stress, perhaps Crush Your Stress: 302 Coping Skills for Managing Your Stress can provide you with what you need.

I look forward to being your partner as you explore all of your relationships in 2025.

Take Away Point

While how to spend your holiday isn’t really a right, you may need to protect yourself from unrealistic expectations resulting in a high degree of stress. It is your right to do what is right for you. This is especially true around the holidays.

With warmest regards,

Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
https://relationshipsrelearned.com/my-blog/
https://rvingnomads.com/blog/

In addition to blogs and articles, I have written a series of self-help books. To view these books, please go to my Amazon Authors Page or go to the My Self-Help Books tab at the top of this page.

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Kathryn Maietta, MSW, LCSW Licensed Clinical Social Worker / Author and Blogger

I am a licensed clinical social worker in Maine and in Texas. The focus of my practice has been working individually with adult men and women and working with couples. I received my BSW from Baylor University and my MSW from Boston University. Since 2020 I have published a series of self-help books and written a bi-weekly mental health blog.

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Anger Management Domestic Abuse/Violence Relationships Stress and Anxiety Communication Resilience