Affirmations
It is not unusual to hear the phrase “positive affirmations”. Is the term “positive affirmations” more accurate than the term “affirmations”? No! They are the same thing! All affirmations are positive. There is no such thing as a “negative affirmation”! Using the term “positive affirmations” is like saying ice vs. frozen water!
Examples of affirmations might include:
- I am good enough.
- I like myself just the way I am.
- My life has meaning.
- I believe in myself.
What are Affirmations?
The purpose of affirmations is to retrain your brain to listen to your positive self and banish your negative self. By retraining your brain, the negative has nowhere to grow and flourish. Your negative thoughts have no ability to slither back into your brain.
It is true, affirmations may not have worked for you in the past. That is because reciting a statement you don’t believe will never retrain your brain to think more positively. It isn’t your fault. You weren’t taught how to change a negative thought into a positive one.
Affirmations are statements of approval and self-acceptance. Affirmations build your self-esteem through emphasizing:
- what you are grateful for
- what is going right in your life
- what you do well
- who you are as a person
Affirmations are always about a snapshot in time. Affirmations are based on a realistic view of your world right now, for example:
- I am doing the best I can.
- I am the best version of me.
- I can make it through this.
Some people view affirmations as just too difficult to believe. They actually feel like an imposter or a fraud when they say, “I am the best version of me.” Another way of attempting to banish the negative thoughts could be to reframe the affirmation into the form of a question, an affirming question. Affirmations and affirming questions are not the same thing.
Affirming Questions
While an affirmation is who you are right now, an affirming question is designed to make you think about what could be, the possibilities, the what ifs, the why nots. Affirming questions challenge your belief system.
The following sentences highlight the difference between affirmations and affirming questions:
- An affirmation: “I feel good about myself.”
An affirming question: “What is holding me back from feeling good about myself?” - An affirmation: “I am complete as I am.”
An affirming question: “Why can’t I be complete as I am?” - An affirmation: “I am allowed to make mistakes.”
An affirming question: “Why can’t I make mistakes.”
When you are asking yourself an affirming question, you are simply asking your mind to look for the positive and to search for the possibilities. What could be, not what is.
By thinking about affirming questions, your thought process will quickly change into an active problem-solving mode. For example, you ask yourself, “What is holding me back from feeling good about myself?” Thinking about this question forces you to challenge your belief system. You can then ask yourself, “Who or what is holding me back from being my best self?” Is it someone else, or is it me?
This is usually the time people start thinking about goals. You shouldn’t get too invested in finding a specific answer to your affirming question. This is one of those times it is better to think about the possibilities than to arrive at an answer.
Goals
While affirmations are focused on describing who you are today and affirming questions are about what could be, goals are the road map. Specifically, goals are how you are going to answer your affirming question. For example:
- By the time I go to sleep tonight, I will have crossed everything off my “to do” list.
- Three months from now I will have lost 10 pounds.
- I will pass my algebra class.
All of these items would encourage you to feel better about yourself, one of your affirmations. Your affirming question has to do with, why can’t you feel good about yourself. Your goal will be how you can accomplish your affirming question.
Short and long-term goals must be on the same topic. For example:
Long-term goal:
- Receive an A in Algebra II
Short-term goals:
- Attend every algebra class
- Turn in homework on time
- Spend an extra amount of time studying and preparing for exams
- If I need help, I will check in with my teacher, a peer or find a tutor
Goals should always be SMART:
S: Specific, something you want to accomplish
M: Measurable, something quantifiable, something you can count or measure
A: Attainable, something you are emotionally or physically capable of accomplishing
R: Realistic, something that is possible to attain
T: Timely, a self-imposed timeframe to determine success
Sometimes people will come up with grandiose unattainable or unrealistic goals, for example, “In spite of never turning in homework all semester, I will get an A in my Algebra II class.” This may be specific (A, the grade I am striving for), measurable (at the end of the semester there will be a grade) and timely (this semester). However, if you have never turned in homework throughout the semester, it is totally unattainable (zeros for homework grades) and unrealistic to think you could receive an A as your final Algebra II grade.
On the first day of class, and assuming you have a good understanding of algebra, your SMART goal might be: “This semester I will receive an A in Algebra II.”
By focusing on how you can respond to your affirming questions by developing and attaining your goals, you have the power to build your self-esteem and confidence.
Summary
Having a balance between affirmations, affirming questions and goals is the ideal for an emotionally and physically healthy life.
With warmest regards,
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