The “What if”
It is 3 a.m. You are lying in bed. Your mind is racing with thoughts of, “What if…” You have tried telling yourself, “Just STOP!” But it didn’t help. And actually, the more you try to stop your negative thoughts with “STOP!”, the more negative or anxious thoughts you create. It is a vicious cycle.
“What if” is a phrase used to pose hypothetical questions, speculate on potential future outcomes, or imagine alternative past scenarios. It explores cause and effect, often highlighting possibilities, risks, or uncertainties (e.g., “What if it rains?”).
Key aspects of “what if”:
- speculation: used to explore possibilities, such as, “What if I won the lottery?”
- anxiety: often highlights potential negative outcomes or worries
- alternatives: examines “what might have been,” (e.g., “What if I had taken that job?”)
Techniques that have worked for many who have experienced the “What if” spiral are: thought stopping and thought challenging. Neither is a “cure,” but each is designed to help you break the spiral of anxiety that frequently accompanies the what-ifs.
And sometimes breaking the cycle is all it takes to silence the thoughts and go back to sleep.
The difficulty is that at 3 a.m. if we have finally been able to gain control over “What-if Thought A,” our brains have been wired to move onto the next “What-if Thought B,” not just roll over and go to sleep.
At 3 a.m. our brains are like police scanners, always scanning for the next crisis: “What if this happens?” “What if that happens?” These questions are all based on predictions of potentials. Left unaddressed or untreated, the what-ifs can lead to anxiety.
At 3 a.m. all problems become significant.
“What if” Thought Stopping
The most used thought-stopping technique comes from the world of cognitive-behavioral therapy, or CBT. This technique involves three steps:
- disrupt the thought
- replace the thought
- redirect the thought
Sometimes what-if moments happen during the day and not at 3 a.m. The spiral tends to be easier to control during the day when you are able to gain the attention of your brain! An example of disrupt-replace-redirect might be:
- The thought: “I have a headache. What if it’s cancer?”
- Disrupt: I tell myself, “Stop—this isn’t a helpful thought.”
- Replace: I think of something more neutral: “I haven’t had much water today; that could be why I have a headache.”
- Redirect: I grab a glass of water and then get back to whatever I was doing when the intrusive thought showed up.
A second, usually successful thought-stopping technique has to do with stimulating one or more of your five senses:
- sight
- smell
- hearing
- taste
- touch
Sight
Start by visualizing a big red stop sign. You could even visualize a wall or a fence. The idea is to focus on stopping your intrusive thought. Stop at the stop sign. When you get to a wall, stop.
Smell
Aromatherapy has been around for years. Something you smell can act as a distraction. Some people like to keep a scented candle around. Maybe you don’t even light it, just smell it. The idea is thought-stopping.
Hearing
Hearing could be as simple as embracing the silence. Or, at 3 a.m., listen to the rhythmic breathing of the person next to you (or even your pet!) and mimic their breathing rhythm.
Taste
To disrupt your intrusive thoughts, try eating or drinking something you love or something you strongly dislike. It doesn’t matter which. All that matters is that you are disrupting your intrusive thoughts!
Touch
Taste and touch are very similar. To disrupt your intrusive thoughts, try touching something you love or something you strongly dislike. Rub your hand over a smooth rock or a piece of sandpaper. It doesn’t matter which one you touch!
Thought Challenging
If thought stopping isn’t working for you, another option is something called thought challenging. If you want to change the way you experience an intrusive thought, challenge it!
This technique involves trying to understand where the intrusive thought came from and how to refocus that energy. When a thought contains a cognitive distortion or other inaccurate information, it can be helpful to pause and reflect instead of just shutting it down. By clarifying what you are telling yourself and evaluating the evidence, you may find that the thought loses its power, making it less emotionally activating and easier to shift away from.
An example of understanding and refocusing might be:
- The thought: “I have a headache.”
- Understand: “I haven’t had much water today. That could be why I have a headache.”
- Refocus: “I will have some water and just close my eyes for a little bit. Then I will return to whatever I was doing.”
Thought Stopping vs. Thought Challenging
Another way to think about the difference between thought stopping and thought challenging is:
- Thought stopping interrupts the thought pattern in the moment; it is a quick fix, a band-aid.
- Thought challenging questions and reframes the underlying beliefs that create the what-ifs. It is a long-term solution; you may get to the root of a problem.
Summary
Minds can wander. Sometimes this wandering can be creative, and sometimes it can be anxiety-provoking. If this wandering disrupts your sleep, work, or recreation, it is time to address it. Two ways are thought stopping and thought challenging.
Sometimes thought stopping is all you need, especially when it is 3 a.m. and you are ruminating on what if you had said or done something differently at work.
Sometimes you need to challenge your thoughts. Analyze them. Look for proof that your thoughts are accurate or a fantasy.
Either way, control what you can control. With skills and effort you can control your thoughts.
With warmest regards,
Thank you so much for reading this blog. If you enjoyed the content, please check out other blogs at:
RelationshipsRelearned.com
RVingNomads.com
In addition to blogs and articles, I have written a series of self-help books called The Personal Empowerment Series and a fictional series named The Charlotte Novella Series. To view my books and novellas I have written, please go to my Amazon Authors Page.
To be notified of future posts, please enter your email address and click on the Subscribe button.
If you live in the State of Maine or Texas and seeking individual therapy, please go to my Therapy website: KathrynMaietta.com
| AI has not been used to create any content for my website, articles, blogs or books. All material is original unless otherwise noted. All photos and graphics within my website and blogs were taken or created by David Harrington or Kathryn Maietta. |
Leave a Reply
Your email is safe and will not be shared.